Superhero Alerts (Become a hero!)

Are you the hero I’ve been looking for?

NOTE: THIS PAGE IS NOW VERY OUT OF DATE! FOR UPDATED BECOMING HERO “REAL LIFE SUPERHERO INITIATIVE” INFORMATION, VISIT BECOMING HERO CHARITIES AT BECOMINGHERO.BYJENFINELLI.COM!

Last updated 2024 – Still neat Historical information about causes and good guys

I WANT TO CREATE A REAL-LIFE HERO NETWORK. I’m sick of online activists just shouting from the sidelines. If you’re ready to roll up your sleeves and do something yourself rather than waiting like a damsel in distress for some government, corporation, or charity to solve the problem, I’m now taking applications for actual “do the work” hero projects. I’m shouting out (or funding) those who live the RLSF ethos and do uncommon good no one else does, moving from the “is this possible” to “how can we make this possible” way of thinking–from the “there’s a problem HALP” to “here are specific ideas for smart solutions.” Sometimes we don’t need capes, just brains.

So join my hunt for real heroes and hero tips, as I send out IRL #SUPERHEROALERTS …powered and funded by the scifi and fantasy stories that get me visualizing my becoming in the first place. Click “READ MORE” to check out some of these hero projects we’re working on, or scroll down to read some #superheroalerts:

More #superheroalerts to cheer you up! Enough depressing #fakenews, amirite?

I’m pretty damn excited to announce the new BECOMING HERO charity webpage. It’s been a bit of a journey from crazy novel to failed webcomic to blog to actual nonprofit. I’m applying for 501(c)3 status right now!

This site will stay up–gotta have all these great archives and hero tips–but this is the last new #superheroalert post here. From now on, get all your IRL superhero news and alerts at BecomingHero.byjenfinelli.com!

We’re about to go from fictional dreams to IRL hero stuff. A pretty fitting last post, I think, for the comic book character who escapes his book.

See you over there,

Jen/Skye

***

Debora can’t hear her mother’s voice – and we might have a chance to change that.

UPDATE 2025:

From 2023-2024 we ran a campaign for a little deaf girl in Paraguay and her mother, and raised enough for preliminary testing to evaluate her fitness for a surgery. Things turned out differently than we anticipated–or hoped–but not necessarily in a bad way. Just a bittersweet one.

So here’s the story of strangers caring about each other…and a little girl who can’t hear her mother’s voice.

ORIGINAL POST:

Hey there! Jen here. Today, I want to talk to you about Debora.

It’s not mother’s day, but I’d love for you to email me and let me know what your mom sounds like. My mom’s voice is high and harsh, with a powerful operatic soprano when she sings. She’s worried it’s getting weak, and old, but I like softer edges. She’s not a hugger. With that strong tongue I’ve never doubted that she’d defend me to the death.

Debora’s never heard her mom’s voice. Cochlear implants are controversial in the deaf community, but in Debora’s case, she lives in Paraguay, where there is no sign language “community’ or “culture” for her to lose. She knows a few signs she does with her family, taught dutifully to her by therapists, but she can’t truly meaningfully communicate. At her current rate, she’ll never find independence. Community. Herself.

Earlier this year, while I was in Paraguay, a team of Americans came down to help some of the local pastors with their church, and to run a couple of health fairs with me. About a month later one of them texted me.

“Please, is there anything we can do for Debora?” he asked.

Gordon–a gruff-looking, no-nonsense ex-Navy vet–had teared up seeing Debora struggle to interact with her family. He found himself perseverating over everything she’s missing. And he asked me what we can do.

So I asked Debora’s mom for an official quote from the surgeon for how much a cochlear implant would cost, and Gordon asked some financial advisors how to make sure everything’s above-board. This week is the special week we’re taking the plunge. I really hope you’ll help me out. I’m COUNTING on you, my future hero team, to make a difference for this little girl.

You guys always come through, so I’m excited to see you plaster her poster EVERYWHERE! It’s linked in the updates section of that page.

And of course, as always, I have a little freebie for you, too. This one’s a hidden science fiction video I haven’t made public on my channel–this is probably the only time I’ll share it with this list, and after that, it’s probably patreon-only except for the special few who find it through an old email form. It’s a Neodymium-based video where you’re an insomniac on a Frelsi mission to Burbura.

Here’s that.

You’ll also find a new historical fiction video up on that same channel, if you prefer, for your bedtime story tonight.

Sleep tight, okay? And thanks for being a group I can rely on to make change.

-Jen

ORIGINAL CROWDFUNDING CAMPAIGN, DEC 6th 2023:

Debora Martin has never heard her mother’s voice, a bird song, or other children playing.

Because sign language isn’t widely used in her impoverished area, she has no possibility of meaningful communication with the outside world.

She waves people over to play with her–she loves playing “shop-keep”–but other children don’t know what she wants.

She has little to no chance of having her own job or living alone as an adult, and because she has other developmental disabilities and no contact with an extended deaf community, she may never have a family of her own.

But all that can change.

Debora’s physician has recommended a cochlear implant surgery, which is a small device in her brain that would give her the ability to hear. To begin catching up with other kids at school. To learn her mother’s name.

Unfortunately, the surgery would be $31,500, an impossible sum that would take a lifetime for a family like Debora’s to save–not to mention transitional therapy as she learns how to use her newfound hearing, which could cost another several thousand (and that’s without mentioning payment processing fees!).

That’s where we come in.

We’re US people of faith who met Debora and her family through joint ministry work in Paraguay. We’ve known and supported Debora’s extended family for years in wonderful ministries like Barrio Parque church and Project Paraguay, and when we watched Debora struggling, we were heartbroken. We’ve invited other folks on board to guarantee financial accountability, and we’re dedicated to providing you reports and receipts so it’s clear exactly what’s going on at all times. Debora needs our help, and we’re willing to do what it takes to make sure she gets it, securely and honorably.

In Paraguay, the indigenous language has two words for “we,” one “ore,” which means “just us not you”-we, and one “njande,” which means “all of us, you, too”-we.

When we say we, hopefully you’ll allow us to include you, too.

Will you be part of our “njande”?

With hope,

Gordon, Kean, Mike, and Jen – The Debora’s Ears Team,

and

Melissa, Lazaro, and Melanie – Debora’s family

Update 1:

THE COST BREAKDOWN: The official bill that’s keeping Debora from hearing

December 6th, 2023

We are budgeting for the surgery, plus additional transitional therapy to help her adjust to the dramatic change.

POSTER FOR YOU TO PRINT OUT AND SHARE!

December 6th, 2023

Here’s a full link to where you can download all the posters in PDF and PNG to share with people who care: https://icedrive.net/s/RDBf9y4uG2PG6FY3zTzXkvWz6GTQ

UPDATE 2:

Why I want to help Debora

February 13th, 2024

Why would someone from the US want to be part of the life of a little girl in Paraguay?

Watch here.

-Kean

FROM 2023-2025,strangers from all over the world contributed $1395 to Debora’s campaign. Debora’s mother took her to multiple other specialists, and we contacted the Cochlear Institute to try to help us make up the rest of the cost. During this time, additional testing was performed using funds people had sent.

LAST UPDATE:

A change in focus…

August 19th, 2025

Thank you everyone who helped give to Debora’s ears.

The money that you gave was put into in-depth pre-surgical testing for Debora. She was found at this time to not be a good candidate for a cochlear implant due to her autism, and given the advice of the physicians and some new developments in Debora’s personality, her mother would like to wait for two years until Debora has passed puberty before resuming investigation.

So we’re putting a hold on the fundraising. We’ve used most of the funds for pre-surgical testing, and the small amount left over after that will be given to a local organization that’s providing medications for free for the needy in Paraguay via the Project Paraguay medical fund.

Thank you again for helping us further this dream for this mother. This wasn’t the answer we wanted to hear, but for now, it was the right one. We’ll let you know in two years if things change–we’re still committed to supporting Debora.

With love,

Jen

Becoming Hero Charities

I need help to heal the heroes.

Hey there! Jen here. This post will update as these needs are filled, but some of you have requested to know how you can specifically help me with what I’m doing in Paraguay. You can help with any of these needs at becominghero.byjenfinelli.com.

Here are the big money hurdles I’m facing right now.

ULTRASOUND POCUS PRECEPTORSHIP, PART 1 $1800: Perhaps the most urgent need, I’ve been performing informal screening ultrasounds for indigenous people while I wait for my US licensure to transfer over to Paraguay. I thought I’d have more contact with Paraguayan providers to help supervise my scans, but that’s not the case, and more seriously, I’m now discovering these informal screening ultrasounds are some peoples’ only healthcare! As a result, I need a back-up preceptor to supervise my scans to make sure these people are safe and I’m not missing anything. This isn’t an ongoing cost, and likely will just be until I’ve obtained my Paraguayan licensure, but right now, it’s pretty dang important that I get a second opinion–it’s been several years since I was taught scanning in residency, and I don’t have anywhere near enough under my belt to be confident without back-up. COMPLETE!

ULTRASOUND POCUS PRECEPTORSHIP, PART 2 $1800: Perhaps the most urgent need, I’ve been performing informal screening ultrasounds for indigenous people while I wait for my US licensure to transfer over to Paraguay. I thought I’d have more contact with Paraguayan providers to help supervise my scans, but that’s not the case, and more seriously, I’m now discovering these informal screening ultrasounds are some peoples’ only healthcare! As a result, I need a back-up preceptor to supervise my scans to make sure these people are safe and I’m not missing anything. This isn’t an ongoing cost, and likely will just be until I’ve obtained my Paraguayan licensure, but right now, it’s pretty dang important that I get a second opinion–it’s been several years since I was taught scanning in residency, and I don’t have anywhere near enough under my belt to be confident without back-up.

MEDICATION FUND, $0 out of $200 monthly: I’ve been paying out of pocket to get people medicines when the public hospital runs out. Paraguayans have access to free healthcare–if they can pay for transportation, and pay for all the medications and equipment the hospital doesn’t have. I will be publishing a “medication SOP” here so you can see how I decide whose medications to pay for.

MERCY FUND, $0 out of $100 monthly: Same as above, but for blankets, transportation for indigenous children to get their paperwork so they have the right to go to school, etc etc

MOBILE CLINIC VAN, $1000 out of $8000 raised: I’m currently spending a lot of money riding around in Bolt (Paraguay’s version of Uber). That’s okay for now, but it means I can’t transport patients anyway, and when we tried to get help for our indigenous childrens’ paperwork, we ran into people who would sometimes avoid driving with us, or raise prices because of our race (mine, for being a “rich American,” theirs for being “dirty Indians”–yes, that’s an actual term/stereotype that’s used). Here’s a link to a presentation where I talk more about the need for a mobile van. You can help with this by giving to Project Paraguay, my partners in this endeavor, and specifying “MOBILE CLINIC VAN” on your donation. COMPLETE!

How I almost died in South America in 2023 – #mybecoming

This title isn’t actually click-bait! In this episode of Becoming A Real Life Superhero, I’m learning alongside you through my own #becoming–and we back back the story waaay up. I’ll take you from military deployment in Korea, to why I found myself under a knife in South America in July of 2023. Basically? I went to Paraguay to support indigenous people who deal with poverty, suicide, and abuse, and I had the privilege to watch some lovely #becoming journeys unfold. These are the protagonists I’m rooting for.

This guy in his 20s became an IRL “friendly neighborhood” hero. #betterthanspiderman #reallifesuperhero

You know Spiderman, right?

I don’t mean, like, do you two personally hang out, because I’m not sure that’s possible, but I mean like–you know who I’m talking about.

The original Spidey’s whole thing–before Marvel went insane big mode–is that he’s your neighborhood hero, the guy who knows the people on his block, knows their problems, and tries to protect them from what could hurt them.

There’s a guy out here giving Spiderman a run for his money.

This guy’s neighborhood’s hot, and muggy. Kids run barefoot along dirt paths; rusted roofs crouch beside patches of vegetable gardens, and like in areas you might know from the poorer American South. My guy’s neighborhood was run by thugs for several decades–murderous, cut-you-up-with-a-machete kind of thugs, thugs so bad our guy lived in a refugee camp in another country for years.

In that camp, he picked up a book that made him change the rules he followed–the mantra he lived by. He didn’t change his God or anything. Just picked up new rules.

I don’t know exactly when the rules moved into action, or if this was always kind of in this guy’s nature; somehow, once he moved back to his neighborhood he started getting to know the people there who didn’t have food. “The widows and the orphans.” He started knocking on metaphorical doors, inviting people to come get what he had, and of course, these things have a way of snowballing: you know if you’ve ever started getting involved in a need—

–and I mean really involved, like asking questions and seeing the people where they are, like getting embedded in with your military unit, not just some kind of “check the box” volunteer gig–

–when you get involved like that, you start getting sucked in. You develop enemies and allies. You start to learn names, to see who needs what, who’s got an ulterior motive and who’s sincere, who’s fighting what battle.

That’s neighborhood shit.

Before you know it, people are looking to you as a protector when they need help.

So what happens when suddenly your neighborhood’s chest deep in flood water?

What kind of reptiles live below the murky brown sludge where you’re wading, kid clinging to your back, rippling water lapping at your ribs, bare toes picking through silt and rock and muck?

How do you keep kids from disappearing?

What’s it like when you can’t get anything dry–nothing in your house, none of your clothes, nothing, just everything soggy?

How do you fight for your neighborhood when you’re just as flooded out as everyone else?

Let me introduce you to Ephraim.

This post could save your life from a cougar attack. (Wilderness Medicine Expert explains) #heroskills #survival

No, it’s not the attractive older woman prowling around your local bar. I don’t know how to help you with her.

But I am a physician with a degree in advanced wilderness medicine, and I’ve broken down an important Wilderness Medicine Society study that may be the only evidence-based paper of its size to provide real information about mountain lion attacks in North America…and how to stop them.

The study’s here; there’s a transcript below if you (like me) prefer to read rather than watch videos. If you want to know how to save other people–and yourself–from deadly encounters, this is pretty much THE most-know information.

Be a Hero For Small Creators And Learn How to FIGHT AdRev for Rights: These Corporations Steal From Small Creators By Making Fraudulent #YouTube ContentID Claims on Public Domain Works

You’re a conscientious YouTube small creator respecting the grind. You know you can’t use music you don’t own in your videos. And you may not be able to afford exorbitant music licensing fees–instead, like a good little YouTube boy/girl scout, you use royalty-free or public domain music.

So it shocks your good little heart when you wake up one groggy, hungover morning to a cold little message from YouTube notifying you that someone claimed copyright on one of your videos…for a public domain work. Even if they’re willing to share revenue, this can amount to thousands of dollars stolen over work you did–a huge issue if you’re trying to make a living on the platform.

How does this happen, and how can we squash these fraudulent claims?

I’m a historian with a degree from the top-ranked history program in the United States, and I’ve got a special interest in public domain work: not only do I use it in my own informal reenactment videos, but I also believe fiercely that we need to respect the legacy of deceased musicians. When a company illegally claims that they own a public domain work, they spit on the laws that make works public domain, and they violate the intellectual property of dead musicians by claiming a right only the dead musician truly ever owned.

So I’m calling on all creators to take an AGGRESSIVE stance against one of the major bad boy players in copyright fraud: Ad Rev for Rights.

What would you look like as a superhero? #comics #superheromovies

It’s Jen, your scifi and superhero sis, here to talk becoming a real-life superhero. You know how in movies there’s always some kind of uniform montage, where the hero creates their costume or whatever?

I’m not sure what the obsession is with costumes. I get the symbols are important. I get that Batman needs to be scary, and Spiderman and Superman need America colors to give people confidence in them, and that’s all well and good. And obviously costumes MATTER to people, since they had a hissy fit when Wonder Woman changed her underwear.

But in real life, you gotta ask yourself: what purpose does what I wear serve to accomplish my mission?

How to help someone escape child abuse – an interview with child counselor Ayonna Johnson, and survivor/counselor Lukysha Sims-Neal. #metoo #superheroalert @Listen2MyHeart7

No one wants to talk about child abuse. But superheroes run towards the terror everyone else is fleeing.

It’s me again, Jen–you know, the scifi author and physician hunts down ways to become a real-life superhero. You never know what’s going on in someone’s life. I vividly remember one case, in particular, of a young male Soldier who couldn’t function AT ALL during the day because he spent his nights in terror.

I went to Paraguay and met a doctor who gets paid in noodles. #healthcare #superheroalert

Hey! It’s Jen, the scifi author who sends you IRL superhero lessons sometimes.

If you’re really interested in becoming a hero–and not just an internet activist–you’ve got to do something that’s DIFFERENT. Anyone can retweet a thing. But Batman puts on a utility belt and starts running around the city with a weird hat on. I’m joking, but I’m also totally serious!

You might have seen this already, but when I was in Paraguay this year, I met a doctor who gets paid in noodles. (If you haven’t seen that yet, it’s seven minutes and super-uplifting). I’d love for you to see it, comment, and brainstorm with me–what’s a problem you see that maybe needs a NEW idea? What’s the BIG DIFFERENCE that could change your strategy right now? You’ve got to exist with some realism, right–Batman can’t fund his crazy without Bruce Wayne’s real life job–but real change starts with DIFFERENT.

Let’s talk about this.

A scammer offered me a job. I’d never seen this kind of scam before…so I went undercover. #phishing

Jen here, the scifi author who sends you superheroes sometimes. And who also really, really wants to become a superhero in real life when I grow up and get better from all these illnesses.

I’ve got a weird flex for you today. A scammer offered me a job, and I decided to play along so you and I can better understand how to help people escape these guys. I dropped some chill music underneath, so you can put this on while you’re doing something else–so yeah…check out my new scam job.

Because victims matter.

(Start your own hero journey here)

Orphanages have a MAJOR limitation. This Paraguayan charity is solving it. (And you can, too) #dogood #superheroalert

Recently I got the chance to go to Paraguay and interview Brian McCobb, the American ambassador for a Paraguayan-run charity that’s connecting orphans with a bigger solution than just a roof over their heads. Watch to the end to find out what this has to do with YOUR hero journey! Dulce Semillitas can be found at https://www.dulcesemillita.org/ or on Instagram @dulcesemillitapy or @littleneighborsparaguay. And look into youth mentorship programs in your area!

If you’re ready to go beyond normal life and build your own superhero identity, take the 5-day hero inspiration course. It’s free, and it starts with a story about mentoring kids. And if it doesn’t stimulate your brain for the change you need, you can email me through the course and I will help you choose YOUR journey based on YOUR passions and calling. Most people just want to be “good”; they can’t imagine beyond that. I am looking for those rare ones ready to turn their PAIN into POWER. Apply here.

Or just sign up to get #superheroalerts here.

Me and my gender dysphoria respond to the famous transgender Navy Seal detransitioning. How could this hero have been helped differently? #transissues #genderdysphoria #superheroalert

Chris/Kristin Beck; Screenshot from YouTube

I’m supposed to be talking about book stuff, but fk it, this is more important.

Famous transgender Navy Seal Chris Beck announced detransitioning recently.

Things to keep in mind:

1. Please don’t use this as an excuse or reason to attack trans people.

Instead, please HEAR HIM as you would hear any other victim when he talks about his healthcare story–about how he was manipulated by mental health providers while he was in a vulnerable state. I can absolutely affirm these things can happen: there was a young straight man whose record I was reviewing for deployability who had been sexually assaulted by several other men, and as I was reviewing his record all the notes from the psychologist were notes questioning whether the man really was straight and really was assaulted. “Maybe he wanted it and feels embarrassed about being gay, so he is calling it rape,” was essentially what the notes were reading. Utterly imbecilic unwillingness to believe male victims aside, manipulation does happen. There’s a reason I’ve fired multiple therapists myself. I don’t know Chris’s story, but I do believe victims.

2. Transition failure like this would not happen if there were more rigorous medical controls rather than purely psychological controls for transitioning patients.

I FULLY believe all trans patients should be given a full karyotyping and pelvic ultrasound on top of in-depth hormonal measurements. Why?

Send a letter: SUPPORT Bipartisan Legislation to Repeal Federal Marijuana Prohibition! #healthcare #wellness

EDIT 5/23: SCROLL DOWN FOR UPDATES AND TAKE ACTION!

Hey there Superpeeps!

As you know, I am a physician who cares a great deal about chronic pain and mental illness. I wrote a letter for the Action Network letter campaign, and I hope you will, too. I’ve become convinced that marijuana is a safer agent that may help reduce the horrific opioid epidemic. Why?

Mental Health Resources

I just wanted to make sure you, dear hero, were taking care of yourself, and knew what mental health resources to give others in danger. IF YOU DO NOT HAVE A THERAPIST AND NEED ONE, CONTACT YOUR LOCAL HEALTH DEPARTMENT OR USE MY LINK:

— Phone number for suicide helpline US: 1-800-273-8255
— Crisis text line: Text HOME to 741741 in US; Text 686868 in Canada
— International suicide numbers
— FIND THERAPY. If you don’t have a good therapist, I affiliate with Better Help which you can use for online therapy at a 10 percent discount, which also helps support the superhero projects here on the site. If you can’t afford Better Help, Open Path Collective helps people with low incomes connect with therapy, and your local health department can help you if you’re completely uninsured.
— Victor Frankl’s logotherapy book helped me find meaning in my depression
— This DBT Workbook by Matthew McKay helped me survive strong suicidal emotions

I really hope these resources help; they are evidence-based and they have helped me. If they don’t help, go find some that do. Your life matters. I am not your therapist; I am a fellow sufferer along this journey, and I am telling you it can get better. If you are in danger right now, please go to local authorities to protect you from yourself. If you can’t use the resources above, please consider going through the whole depression playlist on Real Doctor Adventures ASMR and working through the handouts in the descriptions. They are best used with a therapist, chaplain, pastor, wise old lady–someone who can help identify hurtful or sad thinking patterns–but they can also be used alone. Focus on the question of finding MEANING in your suffering. What are you willing to suffer for?

Don’t forget to get on my free weekly self-care list where we study evidence-based relaxation together.

***I am not your therapist. If you need your own therapist, please go to your primary care physician and ask them to refer you. Ask for someone skilled in CBT/DBT. Alternatively, there are therapists you can talk to online affordably. (betterhelp.com/doctorjen) While I am a real doctor, I am not YOUR doctor; nothing I say here is official medical advice, diagnosis, or disease treatment, because I have not physically examined or spoken with YOU. You have the power to fact-check me. My medical license is publicly searchable under the state of Virginia medical boards at 0101265916.

(All product links are not sponsors, but some are affiliates, which means clicking them supports my new creations and new charity projects! You can also join me for cool rewards at patreon.com/becominghero)

Best wishes, young hero. If you’d like to stay in touch, and get inspiration for how your real life superhero journey would look, join me here.

How to be a hero for someone with a fear of being alone (#superheroalert by @oakstreethealth)

Guest Article by Gabrielle Baglino from Oak Street Health

Many live in fear of being alone but find themselves unable to voice these concerns within a society that celebrates independence. Technology has helped promote this isolation by enabling virtual connections at our fingertips, which has further increased the physical distance between people.

Autophobia, or monophobia, refers to a fear of being alone. While it is yet to be recognized as a specific mental health diagnosis, it is a persistent reality for thousands of people around the globe.

Signs You Should Look For

For anyone with autophobia, it is difficult to articulate the fear that they experience. Signs can be masked by their elated state when surrounded by people they trust.

A first step is to look for cues in conversations that you have with your loved ones.

How to change the world using your food – an interview with a professional chef (#becomingareallifesuperhero #superheroalert)

Why did I interview a professional chef on a superhero channel?

Let’s back up.

How to choose a martial art for your real life superhero journey #superheroalert

How do we choose the best martial art for becoming a real life superhero? We interviewed Calvin Cunningham, a military combatives champion and BJJ coach at the prestigious DeepWaters Gym in South Carolina. Watch the vid above! If you’re interested in taking virtual classes with Calvin, get in touch with me at jen at becominghero dot ninja and I’ll hook you up.

Ready to explore what it could take to become a superhero? Get the five day free course here and you may be eligible for the superhero resource list.

Better than Batman: War Survivor Saves 75 Orphans (And hunts down parents) #superheroalert #superheroes

Isabel is a real-life superhero who brutally lost her family–and went on to rescue dozens of children. Help her by sponsoring a child.

Ready to explore what it could take to become a superhero yourself? Get the five day free course here and you may be eligible for the superhero resource list.

Practical ways to stop deforestation by allying with local populations instead of shaming them #superheroalert #sustainability

Today’s superheroalert is an extremely informative one, and I’d like to highlight the latter half of it in particular, with practical solutions to deforestation.

One problem with a lot of our Hollywood-driven attitudes towards deforestation is that we envision these Ferngully bad guys mowing down the Amazon while cackling evilly…when in reality, the people “mowing down the Amazon,” are, for the most part, poor people who need food and money, and have no other options.

This phenomenal, heavily researched article includes a number of solutions that work together with local peoples instead of just handing down mandates from afar (which is an unfortunate tendency of the wealthy nations that run the UN).

So I hope you’ll check out the article and see how you can help on a practical level!

And when you’re done with that–if you’re tired of reading or hearing about heroism, and you want to start your own story beyond what’s currently real, hit me up here.

WE WON. For years we pushed @Discovercard to pull its support for @PornHub, which continues to support rapists by allowing uploads without written proof of consent and age. #fem2 #metoo WE WERE HEARD!

CRITICAL UPDATE: WE STRUCK A BLOW! In a world of constantly tragic news, I’m thrilled to tell you that pressuring the money companies worked! For years we begged credit cards to pull support for the Hub for profiting off rape by refusing to require proof of consent and age, and refusing to cooperate with justice by reporting attempted assault uploads to authorities. Discover pulled their support, and now people can’t use that credit card to prop up the monsters at the Hub!

Meanwhile, it’s cute that the Hub continues to claim that their verification system protects people from assault--they’re still using the driver’s license system we talk about below. Anyone who’s actually suffered the effects of porn addiction (I have) knows how absolutely easy it is to find truly evil content on the Hub–and what’s worse, these monsters actually intimidate youth who come forward about their torment.

Read what happened to Rose Kalemba below:

ORIGINAL PLEA:

Bottom line up front: contact DiscoverCard here and ask them to pull their support from PornHub, which continues to allow child abuse and rape on their site.

If you’re hesitant, I’d like you to take some time to read about Rose Kalemba. She was raped at 14, and her assaulters thought it was such a great time that they uploaded it to PornHub for millions of other people to take advantage of. PornHub does not make it difficult to become a verified user, and does not require any kind of proof of consent or age from people in videos before they are uploaded. Even after PornHub was aware of the situation, they refused to take action for a long time.

And after Rose finally won her battle to get her rape removed from PornHub, she was personally attacked by people within the industry, who even went so far as to kill her cat.

If you do travel, consider using a carbon offset calculator to lessen your impact on the environment. #dogood #sustainability #superheroalert

If you do travel, consider using a carbon offset calculator to lessen your impact on the environment! Easy superheroalert for you today. MakeUseOf did a great article with FIVE different carbon offset calculators that you can use.

What’s a carbon offset calculator? It’s when you find out how much carbon pollution your activity is emitting, and you find ways to make up for that pollution with various different activities to basically put your output back down to zero.

There’s also a browser add-on you can use to actually off-set the carbon costs of your online shopping this holiday season, too. They’re called CarbonCroc–they contacted me on Twitter after I posted this.

If you’re still confused about what carbon off-setting is, it’s kind of like doing penance in the Catholic church way back in the day. “Forgive me, environment, for I have sinned…” “Okay, go plant ten trees.”

While that metaphor absolutely makes me laugh, it’s true that we can be a little judgmental about how we take care of the world, and I don’t want that for anyone. I want to be conscientious, but kind, and human-focused. And, of course, ultimately focused on the reason I want to preserve the world: because it showcases and glorifies the Divine, and sustains so many wonderfully-made people to do the same!

So check out the article, check out CarbonCroc, and then, if you’re ready to go beyond reading to action, and activism to heroism, join me here.

Despite bullets and poverty, Isabel saves orphans in Liberia. #superheroalert #dogood

Isabel grew up in Liberia around the time of the Civil War. Four of her siblings were killed during the war, one by an accident she never specifies, one by raging diarrhea–one of the leading causes of death in the majority world; there was a sister whose death I cannot remember, and another, most horribly, she describes as being butchered like an animal, chopped into pieces. The way she looks away when describing this tells me she saw this happen right in front of her.

I first met Isabel when I was working late in a military hospital here in the US. She was working as a janitor, and I thought I would give her some cookies. I wanted to reach out to her, and show her some kindness.

How absolutely silly–there is a verse in Hebrews that says that the lesser is blessed by the greater. We didn’t have much time to talk that night, but over the following evenings the scattered conversation she shared with a lonely family medicine resident became my comfort, my blessing, from this woman so much greater than I.

The janitors at CRDAMC in Fort Hood in the US are treated with no mercy. If they miss a day of work by accident, they can be instantly fired. The other two I came to know through Isabel both had health problems not effectively treated by their insurance; one young Liberian found herself up against a several hundred dollar charge for the flu that she could not pay, so she never got treatment for her back problems. Another woman was not given appropriately early evaluation for a mass in her spine, likely because it was too difficult to explain things through her thick language challenges; even though the correct standard of care is to ask for a translator, she was never once offered one in her visits to her military PCM.

Isabel never complained. And one day–perhaps over lunch, perhaps at the hospital–she told me about her orphanage.

The vigilantes driving scammers insane #superheroalert (are you one of them?)

Do you have a special skill? And an internet connection? And a little free time?

You could consider driving scammers insane. That’s what this young man uses his computer security training to do! Basically, he wastes as much of their time as possible to keep them from calling and robbing their REAL victims. Sometimes he makes them so angry they’ll be truly incapable of scamming anyone else that day. Check it out (this superhero alert pretty much speaks for itself):

Even more powerful, is this guy, Jim Browning. Watch this video where he terrifies a scammer with a picture of the scammer’s wife and child:

As always, I always try to draw you to action. If you get targeted with a scam, and have time to try to slow them down, try to get as much information as possible from the scammer. Submit the phone numbers and information to the FBI, and cybersecurity crimes divisions, online here. and to scammer.info where anti-scamming people can try to take them down. Leave their fake companies bad reviews on Google, Microsoft, and the Better Business Bureau websites. You should also forward scam emails to me@rescam.org, because there is a computer AI there being developed on rescam.org to waste scammers’ time and analyze their actions to tie up their robocalls so they can’t hurt people.

There’s a really great account of how Jim Browning and his friends took down an entire multimillion dollar scam operation in India. Unfortunately, unless you live in the country where the scammer lives, your government agencies may not be able to do anything, so the strongest defense is just to never give out your information, and never interact with these people on your personal computer or phone. The strongest offense…seems to be to turn to the dark web computer superheroes willing to take these jerks down. Some of them will even trick the scammers into downloading viruses. What they’re doing isn’t always legal everywhere, but it helps so many people. You can support people like Jim Browning on Patreon. And if you want to learn how to “scambait” yourself, you can go to scammer.info for tips and tricks. If you do that, don’t use a phone number or computer that you care about, as allowing a scammer to have access to either could potentially ruin your life. But who knows–if you’re handy with a VPN and a sanitized network yourself, maybe it’s your turn to stop evil online.

Stay safe out there, heroes.

Want more free ways to make a difference? Get superheroalerts sent to you weekly with a free fiction digest. Or check out today’s Random Act of Kindness from my special Random Act of Kindness Generator!

Flo Mims’ Operation Heart Helps Those In Need In The Streets #superheroalert You can help, too! #covidrelief

Recently Flo Mims reached out to me to chat about her work providing for the needs of people who live on the streets of large cities in the Southern US. I’m really excited, especially in this global time of need, to share her little interview with you about her work, Operation Heart! Flo works as a vehicle driver, and has taken advantage of her geographical range to find people in need around her; her wide-reaching “day-job” has given her the ability to travel to help people.

I think this is a fantastic lesson in using your paid job to help you find opportunities for real superhero work. You have been put where you are for a reason.

How to help someone who’s lost a child – and some hope for healing if that’s you (Ft Alicia McCalla)

How do we comfort someone who’s lost an adult or teenage child? Alicia McCalla and Anette Hyltoft share their heart-rending stories of grief. Learn more about Alicia at aliciamccalla.com.

Here’s a brief transcript of the video:

welcome back to becoming a real life superhero i’m jen and i currently smell like duck because my duck had an

emergency today i’m really honored to have elise mccalla with us she’s very kindly agreed to come and talk with us

about a very sensitive topic how to heal after loss and grief and

how to best comfort someone else and not be a dick she writes kick-ass black women main

characters and superheroes supernatural thrillers and fantasy for nerds who are concerned about representation and love

high action stories of courage bravery and strength i worked with her on the superhero meg anthology which you can

actually still download uh below and i started to stalk her a little bit because i was not only impressed by her

professionalism and drive like there’s certain thinking patterns and writing in her writing style that were similar to

mine that i haven’t seen anywhere else certain little ways of bringing you more intimately

into the point of view of the character and i was like oh my gosh i felt i felt like a kindred

i just felt kind of a kindred writer’s spirit reading her reading her work so i started to stalk her a little bit

um and i discovered that she suffered a significant personal blow before becoming what she is today today

we’re also going to be interviewing annetteville tyson who is a civilian attorney with the army and also in the

past has worked pro bono providing legal care for indigent patients who can’t afford legal care she also has extensive

experience in the court system fighting for folks who have disabilities specifically because of things that have

happened in our own family she also happens to be my mom trying to get access for people who deserve as much of

a good education as any of the rest of us i wanted to just for the viewers a little bit um can

you tell us a little bit about loss that you experienced

yeah so um i’ve actually gone through several losses in the last um 10 years but the

most traumatic one for me would be the death of my son who

drowned while hiking with some friends i can um i will

uh caveat this a little bit with the difficulty that it is oftentimes um when

you’re a survivor of something that has such a incredible impact um

oftentimes it can be kind of hard to discuss or talk about it because it does

um dredge up a lot of emotions and

also grief brain episodes um the grief brain is is real for for

those of you like me who suffer from grief brain um my heart really goes out

to you and my empathy because i understand what it’s like to be like that

and that was um extremely difficult obviously i know some moms who are still really

struggling to cope with it 20 25 years later you just don’t really expect your

children to die before you everybody knows that um everyone is bound to die

nobody knows anyone who’s you know lived forever so we we all know our children are gonna

die but we don’t expect to be there when they do and such a young person with so much

promise it’s um really difficult and very devastating

um about three years ago um on a sunday my husband and i were

at home and we received a call from the navy

and not only a call but people were outside our door

and so we ended up having a petty officer tell us that our son

was lost at sea and that they were currently

doing a manhunt in the ocean off of over

in the pacific to find him because they were on some kind of maneuvers

and for me that was like the worst day moment

i don’t know i can’t express it but um we sat at home for

at least a day or two we still hadn’t heard anything and as a matter of fact the experience was so surreal

we were struggling to figure out if it really even happened because the navy was not very forthcoming with us they

weren’t communicating so i went on facebook and i did a video

and i told people what was happening and that set off a whole other string

for me um so that video got 400 000 views around the world

and um that’s when another level of grief brain started

with calls like our phone then was our home phone our regular phones were

ringing off the hook and i i’ll just be honest with people i had

a nervous breakdown because of that it was just so one thing about losing your child but

another when it’s such a horrible experience and um

i’m very thankful for family members and friends who came out and supported us

during that time um you know you mentioned people the phones ringing off the hook and people

um being really you know wanting to come forward um probably all with the best intentions

and obviously like you said when you lose someone you’re grateful that people care however

i i also know when when my brother died

that i a lot i didn’t want to talk to people very much what were the things that you found that

were most helpful to you during that time um and and ways that maybe other people can emulate when they’re helping

someone suffer a loss like that i think everybody um

experiences it differently but i think it’s helpful

to kind of understand what it’s like um although you can’t until you really feel

that yourself so for me it was like um you know it was

just a real physical shock it was extremely difficult to believe and once

i realized that it was actually true and i saw my son’s dead

body because i had to see him even though i i knew mentally that people were probably not

lying to me about it but i had to see him for myself so when i saw him and it

really hit you um for me that was that was um it was

like standing at the edge of a cliff and there’s nothing but darkness down

down down this chasm and there’s a real danger that you’re

just going to fall over the edge and into this chasm without any

um assurance that you can get back out of this deep dark holes so in the very

beginning i think for us it was just uh absolutely traumatizing you know because

there was so much going you’ve got the news and the people and it was this huge thing and

some people were very helpful like you like you were saying like family members

just showed up and they were offering food and um a lot of praying and

vigils um and some people were not uh they

just wanted a news story or they just wanted to hear the information

um in fact i labeled those people i called them grief mongers they were like grief grief

vampires i mean they just came out of the woodwork and

it just they were not concerned about us at all

um they just wanted to know what happened and i think

it needs to be in reverse so people need to allow

the person that’s grieving to talk about whatever they’d like to talk about even

if it’s about food or about something you know like i found myself just out in

the backyard and it was like hundreds of people just coming to visit us and i just couldn’t

anymore so um for me uh my effort was to try and stay away

from the chasm now i know some people um experience it differently

they need to just go sleep for months right but for me i needed to be occupied

with something and i really feel like my kids um my other kids uh really did

a lot just by their sheer existence because as a parent you have to continue you

don’t want your other kids to feel like they’re not as important as the one

you’ve lost even though while you’re grieving it’s it’s really difficult to think of anyone

um but that child and so um it’s hard to come up with just one

one thing that will um solve all problems you know do this and that’s going to fix it i don’t think

there is one solution to um grief i think we need to respect other people

and how they grieve and we need to come alongside them and just be a good

listener and wait and see if there’s a cue as to what we can do

i think it’s important not to um

fight with them so so my mom um died a few years before

jonathan actually very close to his birthday and

my father was very very angry about her death he felt she was an extremely wonderful

person and he would have preferred to die rather than than her dying and so

he felt very angry at god um and he just generally was very angry

and i made sure not to not to fight with him not to tell him oh you know you’re

sinning because it’s not god’s fault or you know something crazy like that because i think a lot of

times people just need time they need to work things out

uh in their own mind they need to deal with it and so i just let him know that i was there

and i think you know a couple years down the road you know he he felt um that he had had a

wrong attitude and so he apologized about it but i

you know he didn’t need to apologize to me i didn’t bring it up to him but it’s just a phase you know i think

people um have been told that there are certain phases they have to go through

um but i think what’s not so clear is that um

sometimes the phases are uh they reoccur or they are

um you know they don’t come in in a certain order yeah the evidence really shows that there’s no there’s no

evidence for the order that people have been taught um at all yeah

and so i was just sitting in the backyard just looking at the trees and

i didn’t want to talk i i was in trauma you know what i’m saying and

so i appreciated those that just came and they didn’t say anything they just

sat with me they just held my hand they didn’t ask no questions

because sometimes you just can’t voice or speak so i would say in the very beginning

just allowing that person or whoever is suffering the grief to just engage in

their grief and not try to impress or put your

you know to colorize the experience oh that should be so horrible for you or

whatever just allow people to experience

whatever it is that they’re experiencing i think in the very beginning is important

so i think it’s important to listen and if you can help them don’t force yourself on people because some people

just want to be alone um there’s nothing you can really say

because you know you’ve never been down in that chasm and even if you have even if

you’ve been in the darkest place in the in the universe you’ve experienced it

differently from those people most likely there was a

another person in my class when when jonathan died

who came up to me very like non-intrusively to let me know that his brother had died

when he was he was a lot younger and it was an older brother so he mentioned like i know and i think he’s even said i know it’s it’s different but

um and i don’t even i don’t even remember exactly what he said i just remember really appreciating that

he um seemed to kind of understand a little bit of what i was going through

um so sharing his own story was helpful to me but he didn’t share it in a way

that was prescriptive that’s kind of a common theme when we talk about um you know in other times when we talk about abuse victims or sexual assault

survivors um being descriptive instead of prescriptive not telling your story in a way like well

this is what happened to me and therefore this is what you need to do because this is what worked for me instead of being prescriptive being

descriptive this is my story and i offer it and some and they can take what they

want or leave what they want i don’t even remember very much of it i remember certain details but what i remember most

is the feeling of like someone else felt and understood a little bit of my pain and was kind of there

and so i think that kind of hits on um and we we haven’t talked since there’s another person in my medical school

class but he was the only person whose condolences i remember um he was more helpful at that time than

you than some people who were very close to me um he’s the only person whose condolences i remember because he did it

with that like paracoretic parakarisis like space giving me space but at the same time being gentle and like offering

me this like togetherness um and i i think that kind of touches on on

what you’re saying that like um you have to understand everyone suffers differently

and and be be um

be useful yeah flexible

that’s a good word yeah those of you um who watch regularly know i’m usually a little bit more comfortable um in these

interviews and you can probably see i’m a little bit stiffer um having a little more trouble with words obviously because it’s my

brother but i felt that this was an important thing to share with you all and i i felt that like my mom’s journey

especially as somebody who’s had a lot of kids and a lot of sad things happen to a lot of kids um because

there are other sad things that have happened to our other siblings um and

that are almost as severe and i think i think it’s helpful um

to share her perspective so i wanted to do this even though it’s a little bit uncomfortable uh for both of us so so

bear with me um my dear dear viewer um you talked touched on this a little bit

um mom but uh about like steps that um that you know things that people should

not do what um you kind of you kind of transitioned a little bit from things that are helpful to things people don’t do um can you

tell us a little bit more about some kind of things that were particularly unhelpful that should not be

that should not be done specifically maybe things people say because i think sometimes people say things trying to be helpful and it’s actually i wish that

they would go away [Music] yes and and that’s so unfair right

because they they really are trying to help trying

and and um sometimes people then place you in a position where in addition to

grieving you now have to be really polite to them and appreciate what they’re doing even

though they may be hurting you right so so um one yeah what kind of

things in advance can they not do those people who want to help well from from my viewpoint i mean maybe

somebody else wants wants someone to come and cry with them but for me that

was just so terrible when people came and just wept all over me about my son

and i just felt like it’s it’s not your son you can’t imagine

how i’m feeling and you barely knew him and now you’re weeping and i’m just gonna fall right

over the cliff if you don’t stop um but you know like you can’t be yelling at people and you just tell them

you know oh thank you for your kind words i’m sorry

yes you know he touched a lot of lives but really you just want to run away from there yeah frankly because they’re

they’re hurting you while you are in serious pain and so one person came over and they

just kept on and on and i had to actually just say i had to

leave the house and leave that person with the rest of my family and i had to go shopping at

walmart to um protect myself from the injury of

their condolences don’t want that we we talk about that in medicine i think it’s really interesting for you to bring that particular thing

up i actually surprises me a little bit um about like not having your grief and

it’s something that’s been really tough for me to learn as a physician like not having your grief distract from the

other person’s grief especially in cases like i’ve had like uh where there’s a

dead baby right you need to probably not be there weeping um and and and there’s there is

a time when people want to see that you have a heart in medicine where they they want to see a tear or two and people

have complained about that to me people have said like they delivered the news and he didn’t even care he just said it matter-of-factly um and i was like

you know like everyone every doctor grieves differently as well so every doctor has their own so you just said it

matter effectively but in fact what that person needed was a little bit of sadness at the same time you know i i

have made i the error before of being too emotional about someone else’s pain

and it and you have to like pull back and have the the strength to stop and think like what am i doing practically

that’s helping this person right now and am i going to be able to focus if i let this overtake me um and it’s not

always so healthy but like as a physician or anyone who’s helping person you have to suppress a little bit not repress repression is permanent

suppression is suppression is a healthy post-freudian technique where you you

like put it down for now and you can pull it out later and of course that’s if you put it down a lot of a lot of

times you end up like me and you have like you’re dealing with your ptsd symptoms um because you’ve got so many things you

got to do but you um but you do have to know when to like this needs to be put aside so that we can get it done and i

so i think it’s interesting that you touched on that because it’s it’s actually similar to how we do grief stuff with patients um not to sit there

weeping all over them but i will i will say this because there is a difference between

when you first have the experience and then like for me this would be year three of

losing ahsante and so in the very beginning

people would say things like oh time will time will heal and okay so i’m just

gonna no that’s not a fun thing to hear right at the end oh no please shut up yeah exactly

no no thank you maybe it’s true but no thank you and maybe it’s not true i i think it’s i we don’t say it’s not

true we call it misinformation so that is that’s a big piece of

misinformation that time somehow will take away and so what happens is when

you say things like um time will heal or you say things like in the by and by

you’ll see your child again or what happens is you are diminishing

that person’s experience or you’re you’re changing

that person’s or you’re trying to place your

idea of what that experience is on someone else

and the truth of the matter is i feel the exact same way three years

later about the loss of my child and more than likely for the rest of my life

right this was my only child and it’s it’s a struggle for me um

and uh one of the things that my husband and i talk about is well we just had ahsante

we didn’t have any other children um and so even if we had other kids it wouldn’t diminish the experience of

being asante’s parents but that because he was our only son

i will never be a grandparent you know i will never experience

that level and so that’s extremely hurtful for me because recently i lost

my grandparents to covet and so i lost my grandma my grandfather first last year and then

my grand my grandma like a month later because they were in the nursing home you know then they didn’t

have the same rules and ways so a lot of the elderly passed away and so

you know as i was going through my grief recovery i

realized that gosh i love my grandma so

i got hit hard with you’ll never be a grandma because that

was one of my things is that you know i was gonna be a grandma like my grandmother you know what i’m saying so

i think there’s a tremendous amount of loss and so people often diminish that and it’s like well you

have nieces and nephews or um we’ll give you we’ll give you so and so

and it’s like no and so won’t be asante which by the

way is a beautiful name oh my god yeah it’s yeah it’s

a and i think it’s so interesting that you bring up also the only child factor

um and and exactly what you said about about how um if you had other children it wouldn’t

mean that you loved him less or that the loss would be you know you wouldn’t

you would still feel horrible losing him right yeah but it does make a difference and it’s actually something even um my

dad said when we when we lost jonathan um

that that was actually literally what he said like the same thing that you said in his own kind of stiff

way um but literally that same thing that like it he he

the other thing with with as a parent you know it’s like you’ve invested your whole life into this person

yeah um and that was another thing he said was like that was so much work which is a very fluent way to put it he

he dealt with his grief initially very differently than you know my mom did and i think a lot of people did and that he

cracked a lot of inappropriate jokes like right away at the beginning it was the only way he could handle it he

couldn’t just he he just couldn’t um and but that was a thing that he said he

he at one point even made a joke about it being the president’s fault um because there was an interesting

chain of events that would have resulted in my brother not being um not being at a certain place um so at that time he

said but and it was like totally off off-color joke but you could see he was doing it because he was he

was suffering and that was just how he i think jokes are the way to go i had many um

you know there was some point when we were talking to ncis

and they just did not give us any answers and finally i just looked at the guy i was like look the did the aliens

come and i should take my boy away like my child where’s his body where’s this

you know i and i think i think sometimes the

surrealism or the disbelief like i i feel your dad because you know with

asante we did we showed up as parents we did what we needed to do sante graduated

from college he was working two years with a navy officer right i mean

what i’m saying is we did what we needed to do as parents so we had finally got

to the point where it was like ah you know you could rest and then wham yeah

so i i understand what your dad is saying and it so i think it’s very different

when you lose a i guess you said a grown-ass person versus even somebody who had a baby and

i’m not trying to diminish a woman who’s lost a baby because that is a

that’s a trauma and a pain all in of itself but i think

i think these circumstances and situations for each loss

is different absolutely no we have to find our ways to accept that not every

loss is the same that not everyone’s experience is the same experience and that

the the grief and loss is really about how you as a person

how you experience it and how you deal with that grief and loss and that

requires lots of introspection a lot of acceptance

lots of dealing with your emotions and your feelings and being transparent you

know being openly honest with people with yourself

not engaging in that academy award acting

where you’re oh i’m just fine and you know i’ve survived

you know what i for me personally i liken this experience in terms of

somebody taking a either a butcher knife or something to my heart

where it was obliterated i mean it’s literally like uh atom bomb hit my house

i was ground zero and where the door used to be over here now it’s behind me

or up there where there used to be a window the window is shattered and on this side like

everything was topsy-turvy

and that’s the sum total of my experience and so no amount of me like people would say well you could

return to work or you could do whatever that wasn’t going on anymore

that was done if you’re thinking from the viewpoint and of course i i haven’t thought from

the viewpoint of a doctor or a medical provider but um

i think it’s important to be available right um but to be careful so if the patient

doesn’t want to talk to you be available but if they don’t you know

then that’s okay too um i think you have to just watch signals

right so so you have to pay attention to that person see are they spiraling down into some

dark hole or are they working on you know dealing with this

this shock and it’s very physical it’s a very physical

shock so i felt my mindset was positive because my son

was awesome um i had a very good relationship with him

and i’m so grateful that i had a good relationship with him it would have been

much worse if it had been you know we had been estranged or something i i don’t know

how parents that are strange from their kids and then find out they’ve passed away how they deal with it it’s really

painful um but so i’m i was so grateful for that and

um my family was supportive we all understood we needed to support each other

regardless of how we were expressing the grief the one thing that um my husband did that i thought

was very very um good was actually not for with

jonathan’s grief but another grief that i experienced and um he had been deployed for a year

and came back and we were still dealing with our our personal grief

and i actually for the first time in my life i could not watch sad movies

so any anything sad and i would just lose it and this this is not my case i’m usually known as

being pretty tough cookie so you cry a lot during movies though

yeah but when when we turned on this movie i thought i

was just gonna lose it totally not i mean like crying like oh that’s nice and

emotional but i know what you mean i’m gonna have a breakdown yeah

i’m really really and he was like fine oh i’m sorry i didn’t realize that he

turned off the tv right away and um people just really respected my

desire not to see anything sad for several years after that was very

helpful he paid attention to your cues yeah yeah which is good

what kind of cues do you think somebody i know this is maybe a difficult question but like a friend can kind of look out

for everyone has different facial expressions but sometimes there are some cues that maybe the person’s a

little uncomfortable and needs a little more space or needs a little more compassion or needs less i think

most of the time people need a little less i think that’s that’s usually the problem right um what are some cues

maybe in the conversation like for example that person who was really a lot of weeping on you what are some

things about your body language or your face um maybe that they might have been

able to pick up on if they hadn’t had stuff in their eyes um that might have been able to help help a little bit in

in changing their reaction well that’s a tough question

well you know i think um from my viewpoint so let’s say you’re

grieving and you’re in the hospital let’s say you’re a parent who’s lost a child

at birth actually which happens quite often right and you know you’ve pushed your way into

their hospital room well you know if they’re not really talking to you or they’re closing their

eyes and you know or pretending to sleep that that might be uh you know a cue that

says and and you can just feel out people you can say do you need me to come back

later or would you feel more comfortable if i left now or you know just kind of

communicate with them and um i think people people will tell you

they just don’t want to be you know they don’t want to be rude to you and put that on top of you know

everything else they’re dealing with i think you probably have viewers i mean if people are listening to this it’s

because they care about their suffering friends and they want to do right by them that’s

a very different mindset from the people on the highway who stop their car to see an accident on the other side

and you want to make sure you’re not that person you know who’s just you were

never their friend but now you’re in their hospital you’re their best friend yeah yes because you want to be part of

the drama yeah you know that’s that’s pitiful that’s sad and it’s hurtful and

you’re taking up time that a real friend you know

during yes yes there’s a definitely that aspect

especially in medicine where you know people will talk about this is an interesting case so you better come in and see this interesting case i was so

offended when i first heard those terms because at that age i had already had one of my brothers almost die from an

intestinal rupture one of my brothers have permanent you know mental disability that will you know that has

affected all of us i had already had one of my you know my little sister almost died

in the hospital um which i think is thing the time you’re talking about about hospital rooms right i’d already

had all these things happen and i’m the only one of the siblings who watched everybody grow up i’m the only one who

was old enough to watch really everybody except for my second oldest brother who i i did not watch him grow up because he

grew up with me right um everybody buddy else you know jonathan i i was the only one i got to hold in my arms ever

because um i was all you know as a baby because i was always taking care of the kids

during all the other births yes and so like i had already had all these

things happen and i would get very triggered in medical school i got very angry during the lectures on

autism um i wanted to just fight all the teachers um i was i would just super i

would get so upset um because i hadn’t actually processed how i felt about really the loss of of that my autistic

brother i really felt like having having lost him because i saw that i saw that transition from

um because i saw that i was in his therapy so often and i saw those moments when it looked like we were gonna get him and

get him back and i remember before he shut off when he wanted to come play

with us as a little two-year-old and we would you know we were older siblings and older siblings always do this saying no go away and i wish we had not said no

go away right because you know you feel you feel guilty about that when it’s not your fault you’re a child and trying to

play with your toys and your little brother is messing with them but you know when that child does go away and

never mentally come back you feel like you did something when you didn’t right that’s

the that’s why we get rid of the freudian theory of guilt um because you know freud’s theory was terrible that

it’s like family member’s fault that a child is is autistic but you you feel that and so like watching you so having

had all that happen already hearing people in medical school say this is an interesting case i was like you never

want to be an effing interesting case you know i was like i don’t want someone to be you know so it’s like that that

investigative curious mind is valuable for a lot of things but you got to turn off that investigative

curious mind at some point and just you know and and i i know i’ve fallen into that before where i’ve asked like one

question too many i because i do a lot of sexual health care and sometimes there’s just that one question too many

especially about that very personal thing um like sex is a very personal topic um

sometimes there’s just that one question too many where it’s like did that really help with your diagnosis or was that you

wanting to know you know were you being a drive-by stopper yes

exactly so one of the things i think i first

would like to acknowledge is when you have an incredible loss like

this you you might do better by liking it to having a heart attack

or liking it to breaking your leg or liking it to some

appendage because once you accept see one thing about grief brain is that it’s

mental and so people tend to

discount it or tend to go oh no i can just do that right

no no no if a person had a heart attack or if a person um

broke their leg we wouldn’t be walking around going well just get up and walk right

yeah exactly i got you had a heart attack so what’s wrong with you why are you deal with it yeah it’ll get better

in time yeah it’ll get better in time like will your heart ever be what’s wrong with you

you’re still talking about you had that heart attack that almo you almost died what’s wrong with you i had so i think

after i had someone a month after my brother died i was at a party and they asked me how i was just like

the chill how are you doing and i said well my my brother’s still dead so i’m i’m not

not great um and the person said to me and then someone else standing nearby and i know

they regret having done this but this person standing nearby was like wow way to be a downer and it’s kind of like yeah i’m gonna be

a downer my brother died like like what you want you want me to

come to this party and be the life of the party here right and that’s it but i think i think literally if people saw

you as someone who broke their leg or that you came to that party and you

had a cast on your leg right then people wouldn’t be saying such

things because they would go oh you’ve got a cast on your leg i understand

but don’t let it be said that it’s just other people it’s the person as well so

with me i had to take an inventory and told of myself i mean i had a nervous

breakdown and i had to deal with that so i loved being a librarian i love being a

media specialist and i did it for 20 years and but i i hit a brick wall and

no amount of me trying to get myself up and get back to work was going to do it

kind of segwaying into it is the idea of not re-traumatizing

people right so my son died because he had a seizure

yeah and and when i say my son it you know it’s uh our our

i know what you mean you’re talking to the viewers yeah i know it’s our jonathan

i don’t feel left out okay so you know because he he um

he had a seizure and he had walked away i think from his group because he wasn’t

feeling good he was standing in water they were not near him and so he drowned right at first we

didn’t know that and so you know 30 people and a lot of people from facebook

crawling out of the woodwork so to speak and they want to know what happened

right and that’s that’s just not really helpful don’t ask what happened

they’re dead for goodness sakes it doesn’t matter how it happened are

you expecting that the parents strangled them i mean you know what what are you thinking and

then the other important thing to really um

consider here is what can you do for this person

here’s what you can do bring them back to life

bring them back to life so that’s nothing in other words nothing yes yeah because you guys do

that they want yes that’s what they want and so when you ask is there anything i

could do for you well you know they’re thinking yes bring him back right now

oh you know i’ll tell my house i’ll do anything bring bring him back

and you can’t so you know be humble and do what you can

like i had someone come and and clean my house and i had people bring me meals

that was lovely and it was so helpful because you’re not thinking of cleaning anything

you’re not thinking of of making meals you’re just thinking of surviving each

day yeah actions speak louder than words in that situation very much

very much i mean i mean with the with the bringing back um i think i think that was one of the things that like still sticks with me that somebody said

that somebody said a couple years later actually um and it made me so angry

um i wasn’t angry at the time i wasn’t mean to them or anything i did just today post a little snide

thing on facebook because jonathan’s birthday was yesterday um but you know

they said uh they said well like aren’t you happy though that like his death brought us all together and my thought is like

i would never have a relationship with you again if i could bring him back i don’t care

i like you but not that much i would rather have my my brother back than have a relationship with you 100

you know it’s it’s a life versus a friendship his life is is more important to me i

would i would never speak to anyone of all of you again um if i if it would bring bring him back

that would be difficult because i talk a lot but um you know it’s like it’s like i don’t care sorry i don’t care about

you as much as about my dead brother it’s kind of the idea because it’s not equivalent it’s not it’s not like oh you know you got a

new friend after your brother died and it’s like you’re not

him i missed out on the best years of his life because of medical school and you’re not fixing that at all

you’re not you’re i just want to buy my brother some cheese and and play monopoly with him okay

that’s all i want i don’t want you know so yeah so like what you’re saying about like actual actions i think

i think that’s that’s golden especially because i think one thing that’s um so so i have

still physical nausea um and like feeling like sick to my stomach like something happened not as

much now but especially in the first the first year right after when i would think about it it’s not as strong as a

mother’s reaction mothers tend to have i this is anecdotal this is not based on studies but i’ve noticed that the

mothers i have known even as patients tend to have very strong physical reactions um to grief i mean alicia

called it like having having a disability like because you just feel because it’s your child so it’s it’s a

little bit different um and obviously i’m not going to have you talk on that because that’s a very personal thing and sometimes those

things are like a lot of pelvic pain is a thing that i’ve seen in patients as well um but i think it’s important for

people who want to help to understand that to understand that there’s like a physical thing going on and that the person is tired just as if they had like

a broken leg you know um so that’s for me it was really feeling

like i’m choking i’m choking you know and um there’s there’s no good way to deal

with that the inability to sleep um and i you know in in

in defense of the people trying to help you i think it is human nature is to try

and look um for for the good somehow well i mean there’s two sides to that one is

you find blame somehow that you can distance yourself and say

this is never going to happen to me this happened to those people because they did x y and z i think that’s one side of

human nature we saw that a lot with the autism yeah i you know um i think a lot of

people would not like to have a severely autistic child and so it’s hard for them

to think that that’s a very real possibility and and i believe it it really is a very real possibility and i

don’t think those numbers are getting better i think they’re they’re getting worse so

you know i i feel bad for the unsuspecting world out there waiting to have an autistic child or a brother or

whatever but but the other side is people are wanna they’re looking for good and

i was amazed at how um the church came together

uh it didn’t matter we were you know miles away from where where he was and even the

the funeral um director that i worked with um i think was very unusual because a lot of

times they kind of money centered and that that really hurts you too

yes someone’s trying to make money off of your yeah it’s the most horrible thing

but we we had a really uh good good liaison there and

um i mean they left people offered us all kinds of things at liberty university we were offered to to

um you know sleep at someone’s house that we really didn’t know that well i mean

we knew them but not just sleep at their house and just a lot of kindness extended to us

and just those acts they do a lot i mean i you know i could cry about that now really because it’s

it’s so um kind and um people who don’t they don’t need

information they just need to know what can they do for you and

um those those people are golden they are yeah no like i had a pitch memorized um

for for the information um i did it and it was really weird because i listened to myself and i was telling just like

when i pitched like novels or report to the attending physician where you go okay 28 year old male had you know this

kind of blah blah blah and this kind of blah blah and this kind of like a pitch i had a pitch like that about jonathan’s death um to answer people’s questions

just just like that um because you know people want people people ask for the

answers and so you just you kind of and you find yourself saying it over and over and over again and

i didn’t have the same reaction um exactly like like you where it was like

you can’t even talk about it because i had so much practice pitching um and

pitching terrible stuff um that it was like i was pitching someone

else it was not like i was talking about you know like things it was different like if i were

to feel or talk about so joseph and i yesterday what uh one of my other brothers and i yesterday watched a

old home video that had um jonathan in it and i heard joseph going oh

over the other side i can’t see his face so i don’t know what his reaction was but um you know like that’s what like

gives you the i think for some of us thinking about the good memories sometimes brings pain

um and like being it’s a it’s a poor defense mechanism but it’s called intellectualizing and that that was kind

of my go-to so actually even knowing the details about what had happened to him

um was part of my like defense mechanism it’s an immature defense mechanism um intellectualizing it and and and doing

like that but um in my case it was like but it was the one i had it was the one i could reach for um in this in this situation um and

and it literally was like a pitch uh to rattle off to somebody

um so i i love the point you’re making about the the phys the you know do something do something physical is so

helpful moving into that like taking care of yourself as a survivor and how to heal so that you can you know help

others because i mean you’re you’re out there advocating um right now i mean your mission is advocating for

representation and fiction which i mean to me i think it’s you know incredibly valuable you hear about it i mean that

creates the heroes of the future generations right is young kids see these things and they

um it it changes what they think they are able to do right so that’s that’s

you know in some ways you are i don’t want to say mothering but you are influencing the children of other you

know other generations and other other people now through the work that you’re doing um but that is a process like how do you

get to be you know to have that kind of strength and do that how has your um

how has how what what other ways did you find practically to help heal so you could

get to that level of functioning because like i said i mean you’re a go-getter you you you put things together you

respond you you you do work you do more work than a lot of other people i see especially

among indie authors um but you know like you’re talking about like right after the loss you feel you can’t do anything

so how did you get to that level of functioning um and and i guess what other ways would you

recommend to somebody as they’re trying to heal and get back into their life’s mission because it’s hard

you have to you have to deal with what’s done in

your life what you can handle and if if you’ve got five

things to do in the day brush your teeth wash your face change your clothes change your underwear right

pick one yes that’s how you knock things off the list because you can’t handle them and it’s

it’s powerful also the metaphor actually that you say it’s it’s amazing because it’s literally the same as even the loss

of children back in ancient times it’s actually described that way as a sword to the mother’s heart it’s described

that way in scriptural poetry it is it’s like this common thread

in some ways that unites the mothers of history but at the same time like you said it’s so unique to each to each

person oh yeah it and some people do need activity to keep them going and

other people need to just not they just need a a break i think it’s important to

let yourself grieve and figure out what helps you so

personally for me working helps me and and i think um

you know i feel like i am doing very well i’m able to get through each day without crying about my son

uh i think i i feel like i’m healthy about it i’m not obsessing about him

um but yeah i working is very much um a blessing for me so i’m very grateful

that a few years ago i you know was offered the job that i was offered

and um whatever it is i mean you shouldn’t don’t don’t feel guilty about

it i’m kind of old so um you know starting a new new second

career i should say that’s um maybe surprising to people around me

um but it’s all about what what can you take because even though i feel like um i personally

am doing well um with surviving that that grief and the three other griefs

that i’ve had in the last 10 15 years um and and i think

faith is an important part so i feel like god has been there with me

and i feel that god prepared me actually for for that grief so that i got some

minor griefs that i was able to deal with and see that i could survive

and so that’s that’s a whole p face faith piece there too can you can you make it past

this and come out a functioning human being so what whatever

um you need to do you know if you need to sleep five months straight don’t

apologize to somebody about that do something healthy i mean if you find

yourself doing something unhealthy that’s a real warning sign you know

taking too many prescription drugs or um you know engaging in other unhealthy

activity that should be a warning to you that you’re not dealing well with it you’re

trying to drown your sorrows or you’re trying to um escape from reality there comes a

point where you you know you have to face that you have to keep living and people need

you and there’s nobody on earth here that isn’t needed we need you

and we need you as a healthy contributor so whatever you can do

um to get yourself to that point in and but what did do it well what do you love

what what drives you first of all we created a scholarship for asante and we

donated 50 000 to morehouse college and we had determined that our mission

was going to be to create a legacy we lost our boy but we was going to help

other black boys to be successful right yes so that legacy was very important to do

and i moved away from looking at asante and this light of victimization and

looking at it from a space of celebration of life it was very important for us and for me

in particular to continue my relationship with ahsante but in a way

that was different the relationship between me and asante had

changed substantially and so i had to go in and relearn and rework and deal with

my emotions people do different stuff i mean some people they need to celebrate

that life regularly and they need to mourn that life i know some people feel guilty

if they forget that lost one um i think that’s you know that doesn’t work for me i

don’t i don’t think i should feel guilty because you know i didn’t cause his

death and um you know i obviously the loss is

terrible for us but we believe him to be in a better place but don’t don’t feel

guilty do what you can that’s healthy for you to deal with your circumstances

for me it’s working if i’m not working if i’m not busy but

that again that’s my personality too i was always kind of like that i had to have 10

things spinning in the air so you know you know who you are you

know what you need and um if you’re a friend help that person to

get get there you know time time is such a friend um i think uh because

after a while you get a different perspective and you should be focusing on the people

who are alive um and time helps you to do that my writing did change substantially it

became more about legacy and courage and bravery and strength

and i wanted at all times to be able to honor ahsante and so i have some short

stories that you know i i began to then write from the space of

themes that were messages of hope or

gratitude in a different way so everything about my life

in the writing and the work changed yes sometimes if you need to go to your

doctor and get a medication that is completely that is legitimate um but uh

but you know absolutely you have to you do have to check out for how is it making you feel

um and it’s really recommended that you supplement that with um some kind of you

know either an active therapy or something else that you are doing yourself it can

be hard sometimes to know when you need to drop something and try something else um because you might think well maybe i

just need to stick this out maybe it’s something wrong with me but really you don’t have time to be wasting with

things that are not working if it’s not working after you know like a month switch to something else try somebody

else you know give it a month like there are ssris that take a month a month and a half you got to maintain your mind and

body um so you know don’t feel guilty about taking care of yourself you’re taking

care of yourself so that you can come back and use what you’ve suffered as a great way to help other people you

know every there’s a reason that all these heroes all have these tragic origin stories

right um because there is some truth to that that like it is out of darkness that are

born um some of the most beautiful people um and so

you gotta you gotta allow yourself to go through that and then to come out

the other side and if you can come out the other side you know empowered um then instead of

broken because you’ve taken care of yourself and he’ll healed appropriately you’re able to do so much for the world

and and there is only one you i actually did um about three years of grief recovery

method i love the book and i work with my grief counselor

ann ann keaton she was fantastic and so part of grief recovery method is to

start writing letters to those critical important relationships in your

life and then you end it by actually doing a letter to the person that you’ve

lost so then you’re able to look at the patterns and you’re able to look at the

experiences that you had with that person and see it from the space of

forgives and the space of significant emotional statements and

places of gratitude for that person so grief recovery method was fantastic

but even but even after grief recovery method there was still some for me because i

was functioning but what i learned is that i was doing so

i was doing 40 positive and 60

negative in my days so there were some days that the despair um just was really

high so i found a lot of relief with grief recovery method and i found a lot

of emotional release but i still was in a very negative

um brain pattern so um my second part that i worked with ann on was the pq or positivity quotient

where i started to work with my personal saboteurs and understand like what were

some of the things that were driving me with the negativity like my judgment and

my trying to control situations and having high anxiety and i i do suffer

still from having anxiety attacks from this um

and so i have to learn to work with that in the very beginning medication wise the doctor had prescribed me some they

prescribed some drugs that put me out but as i went along i knew i didn’t want

to take those drugs so then i investigated the herbal things so between the grief recovery effects

therapy and the pq and then i start taking things like asha wanganda and

things to herbal things to help me melatonin to help me to be able to sleep

and then finally the last thing that i worked through was transformational coaching

and that was very helpful and my transformational coach holly holly lasky

she helped me to do a nlp

um i guess process where you actively grieve in

your sleep in your subconscious and so you work with your subconscious

to come up with a number of days hours whatever it was necessary so that

instead of that you’re grieving throughout the day and the level of despair that you’re actually grieving

in your subconscious and working at it at a different level um and so all three of those things for

me have been critical and i and i won’t lie to people and say that these things

yes because i have i still occasionally will have anxiety especially um

women when navy contacts us or done things or whatever oh yes you get these

things that kind of you know come back up again it it re it

returns that so um i couldn’t um for a couple months after i had to be

conscious of not avoiding my mother’s phone calls because since she had called me to tell

me about my brother i began to feel sick every time she called me after that so i

would have to not answer let the phone ring and then i would immediately call her back because obviously i’m not going to leave my mom alone in this thing

um but you know i tried her yeah i did not want to pick up the phone um

you know because so i totally get what you’re saying like you know every time you see something from the navy or the navy calls you it’s just like

oh it’s like you know i don’t know if you get nausea but it’s not fun in my closet i have a 444-page

document of conjecture speculation and i have a navy death certificate that

says unknown right yeah so i i don’t know how to express that to

other people as a mother you know and plus i i was one of those

mothers that i would have killed somebody for my boy right if if i could

have figured out who did it so i was a marine right yeah

i’m that kind of person so it’s hard that controlling saboteur

i wanted to control that narrative and i couldn’t because there what can you control there’s

you’ve got to find that space of forgiveness and that space of

allowance i mean i just remember in the very beginning when it became clear to me

that i needed to forgive ahsante’s captain of his ship right um

yeah and he’s responsible as a leader it was a she or she yeah yes and they had

created this environment on that ship but just wasn’t i mean i was in the marines i don’t

understand the navy i was pissed off anyway i remember meditating

on how i was gonna forgive her and then i just remember this vision and it was

like a cracking glass in my and it was red and i was just like

i don’t want to tell you what i thought about the lady but it wasn’t a place of forgiveness

[Music] so i had to like work through all of that so i feel like every person

has got to figure out for themselves where they’re going to find this space

for me it has been gratitude statements it has been grief

recovery method so i was not able to do traditional grief counseling i i didn’t

do well when i went to the church even and they have grief therapy at the church i didn’t that didn’t work for me

kind of a little bit but that ended up in something whole different with me

breaking down and crying that was not for me so i think that everybody has got to

know like where you need to go to get the help but

the traditional hmo insurance that did nothing for me that there was

no relief of the pain that i had there was no i’m very practical

so grief recovery method was practical it was write these letters or

like do this meditation or work through these exercises or here’s some nlp techniques

to help you to be able to grieve differently so i really needed those things maybe other people couldn’t even

do that kind of stuff but for me that’s what i needed and so i think that

ultimately being honest with yourself being true to what your needs are

to acknowledge that you’re compromised or acknowledged that

you need support um and what those actual true emotions are is

that’s imperative yeah i mean one thing i always tell my patients um and that

i i still tell people in medical education now that i don’t um now that i’m usually too sick to do full clinical

practice i tell people you got to be willing to fire your therapist and if they’re professional

they won’t take it badly um because the the fact is the rapport you have um also

with the with the therapist there was a study that found that that is as important or actually more important than even

what technique is used um so that’s like one thing i always tell them like if it’s not working it’s not your fault not

their fault it’s just not working you’re not getting better go to someone else however there is evidence also for like

some techniques do work better for some people i’m i’m like you i need very um i got very frustrated with one pain

psychologist i had because he would never give me any like practical homework he just wanted to have these

conversations like digging into my soul and i didn’t like that that made me unhappy and angry

um and and i felt like he was just trying to argue with me and change my perception of my pain and get me to just

like accept it um which wasn’t his goal it’s just we we didn’t quite mesh my

current um just overall psychologist she knows i need assignments i need the

structure and the structural things are the things that have the most evidence you know all the biggest evidence-based

methods for ptsd for example all involve writing they all involve like assignments

ebt usually which are super effective usually involve assignments unfortunately a lot of mental health

professionals are still trained in like older methods like psychoanalysis which are not not effective and not as effective well

for me i the the wall that i hit was i just felt like

i was chronically involved in my victimization and i did not want to be that person so

the traditional session was really more about me just constantly going in there blathering on about

the hurt or pain or what happened or rather than doing something about it

yeah yeah but i will say this about pain because uh the anxiety and sometimes the

physicalness of grief brain can cause um

what i found can cause you to have physical pain and um i noticed after transformational

coaching that the release with transformational coaching took away

a lot of my physical pain um yeah that’s phenomenal and anxiety

because i i so before all of this i had a struggle with food addiction

and i was like i was probably 60 pounds heavier than i

am now so i lost all that weight but with grief i was in and out in and out and so i

would go through these moments of grief brain with this food binging right

so i found that as i began to lighten my load and reduce some of the

you know look saw what my patterns were understood where my grief was coming from under except those

anger and those emotions and feelings and then ultimately released them with the transformational coaching

i found that my food binging um was a lot

i wouldn’t say controllable but i could come into that place of thought and action and not

like starve myself or not gorge my you know like go between that

those those activities that happen or occur you know what i’m saying when you’re grieving

um well and but meditation is something that’s good like just chronic pelvic pain ever since

the time their son um is lost yeah and it’s severe and there’s no um

you know they go to multiple providers but there’s no structural anatomical anything wrong

with it sometimes um pelvic floor physical therapy helps with that but um

when the source is up here it can i mean yeah the best thing you can do is process like you’re talking

about that’s phenomenal and i think through the process you come to a space

of healing and i would say this what i have

personally learned is that we believe that we are separated from our loved ones or we believe

that the universe is just you know we’re here

and they’re gone i don’t know if people are atheists whatever people believe in

all i can say is that for me it brought me great comfort

to know that those that love me are always there

for me right and so um as a matter of fact i’m getting tingly talking about this so it’s nice

to kind of i like the transformational coaching piece because you’re going into your subconscious and you’re

reconnecting with whatever those experiences are and that brings a

certain sense of calm and comfort you’re not alone you know

you have whatever however you want to call it you have these memories you have these experiences you you you have this

connection you still have part of what made them them yes yeah and even even if that’s

comforting my my mom said um that right after he died she felt like

you know she was wondering she said i wonder i think maybe heaven is a dimension that’s overlaid on top of

ours and obviously this is very metaphysical very her feelings she felt i feel like it’s a dimension that’s overlaid over ours and when we die we

pass through the portal into that dimension if we you know in in that system if we’re saved

um and so she talked about um how she sometimes wonders if you know he’s

nearby just in that other space you know in the same um kind of it’s it’s very

metaphysical it’s kind of an extreme version of what you’re saying um but that that kind of dancing i can’t speak

to what her experience was but for my experience exactly yes um i always

asante tells me things or i hear his voice making jokes about stuff because you know

or i remember you know memories or things

that come up for me that put me in a place of gratitude or

put me in that space of calm and comfortness i do want to say

one thing before because i know we’re probably getting towards the end but

choice is very important right and

when you experience a grief moment of severe loss

you have a there’s a point where you have a choice or a decision how you are going to be

are you going to find yours your way back and live

or are you going to decide that you can’t make it

and then live a life of diminished capacity and negativity

i think everybody has that choice and that’s the struggle

um for me every day

i was in that place of despair and i just picked up and said you know because you

were asking how do i keep going i work with my grief brain

i don’t know if you want to call it a disability but i am different right

and i decided that i would like to spend 70 percent of my day and positivity

and i could do 30 negative but the majority of my day had to be something that i loved that i

wanted to do that i enjoyed doing that was good for me and that

when asante could could think about me or think

about his mom surviving that he would know that i would push on

with his legacy that he because i know he would tell me mama keep going

right i know he would want me to survive and so i think people have to find where

that is for them and move towards whatever that direction

is but i do know there’s some craziness out there because a lot of people have people have suffered from grief and so

they choose the other route and so they that ends up becoming not a

good experience for them yeah i think people have to choose which way are you going to be with your

grief how how are you going to survive thank you very much folks for watching

um i recommend that you would check out um lament for a sun it was a book that my mom gave me right after after jonathan

passed it was very very good and also consider looking into we actually did an entire

video with lavar burton about loss and pain um over on the asmr channel people

can find me at my website www.aliciamacalla.com

and there i have some i have one of my super hero short reads audio books that they can download direct from me or they

can go to any of the retailers and find my works there i’m on amazon and other

places thank you so much um thank you i appreciate you and thank you so much mom

for taking the time is there any last thing you want to shout out or anything you would like people to check out well

thank you so much for having me and um

keep on following jen because she’s the serious thing don’t say that that’s like

when people say okay follow jesus follow jen follow jesus

and life [Laughter]

you’re the only one of you you’re the only like through genetic through all the history of all the different meetings that have made you

um you know and all the chemicals that were were not around your mom and all the neurotransmitters to how she was

feeling what she had for breakfast at what time or or like all these different things all the things that you have eaten in your life that have now become

you all the different molecules that have come from oliver you’re the only one of you in all of history there may

be someone else who has the exact same genetics you may have a twin but they’re not actually the same as you

okay because there’s there’s still there’s always going to be something something that’s that

makes only you um so right yes so we need you we need you and

feel yourself surprisingly you know five years later sliding right you know right back there

next to the chasm and you think you’re gonna just fall right in there

um don’t be afraid to reach out you know the best thing anyone can do with their

life is to come along somebody else so you’re not wasting any

base time it’s um really important that you reach out

it’s important to your friends it’s important to your loved ones and um talk or just say can you sit with me

for a while i’m really um feeling down yeah and what you’re saying is really

you’re giving the other person a chance to become who they’re meant to be you’re giving them a chance to kind of be a

hero as well so insight it’s weird to say it but in some ways

you do a kindness by letting other people into your suffering [Music]

you

Ready to explore what it could take to become a superhero? Get the five day free course here and you may be eligible for the superhero resource list: https://landing.mailerlite.com/webfor…

Jen Finelli is a world-traveling scifi author who’s gone swimming with sharks, escaped being locked in a German nunnery, discovered murals and poetry in underground urban caves, explored jungles and coral deserts, and hung out with everyone from dead people and prostitutes to secret political influencers and Senators. She is coping with life as an MD by telling you stories, and when she grows up she’ll be a superhero.

Science fiction: byjenfinelli.com
Upcoming film: mysweetaffair.com
Comics-character-who-kills-his-author: http://becominghero.ninja
Twitter: @petr3pan
Patreon: patreon.com/becominghero

This whole thing started with a story Jen wrote that helps fund real-life adventures. See, SKYE is the storm-tossed comic character out for revenge on the author who murdered his family. JACE is the math-loving blerd trying to escape his father’s deadly legacy. When their worlds collide, Jace must choose between the real world he’s always hated, and the comic book world he’s always loved–and Skye must decide if killing his author will save his world…or damn his soul. Get the book at http://becominghero.ninja/

OR

***To follow my tragic adventures as I demonstrate how the American medical training system is BUILT to create a shortage of doctors who care, please listen to my show on the Emergency Escape Podcast Network: https://emergencyexit.podbean.com/ Search the page for “Death & The Doctor”

There, you’ll hear about the deaths that convinced me we’re doing it wrong; my dream to take modern medicine to those who can’t afford it; and ultimately the reason I left the American residency system.

***I am not your therapist. If you need your own therapist, please go to your primary care physician and ask them to refer you. Ask for someone skilled in CBT/DBT. Alternatively, there are therapists you can talk to online affordably. (betterhelp.com/doctorjen) While I am a real doctor, I am not YOUR doctor; nothing I say here is official medical advice, diagnosis, or disease treatment, because I have not physically examined or spoken with YOU. You have the power to fact-check me. My medical license is publicly searchable under the state of Virginia medical boards at 0101265916. IF YOU DO NOT HAVE A THERAPIST AND NEED ONE, CONTACT YOUR LOCAL HEALTH DEPARTMENT OR USE MY LINK:

— Phone number for suicide helpline US: 1-800-273-8255
— Crisis text line: Text HOME to 741741 in US; Text 686868 in Canada
— International suicide numbers: https://www.opencounseling.com/suicid…
— FIND THERAPY. If you don’t have a good therapist, I affiliate with https://betterhelp.com/doctorjen which you can use for online therapy at a 10 percent discount!
— Victor Frankl’s logotherapy book helped me find meaning in my depression: https://www.amazon.com/Mans-Search-Me…
— This DBT Workbook by Matthew McKay helped me survive strong suicidal emotions: https://m.alibris.com/search/books/is…

(All product links are not sponsors, but some are affiliates, which means clicking them supports my new creations and new charity projects! You can also join me for cool rewards at patreon.com/becominghero

Don’t let supremacists win – Democrat or Republican. Keep refugee families together! #superheroalert #humanrights Sign the petition now.

Today’s #superheroalert is taken and amended from FAMILIES BELONG TOGETHER:

The Biden administration announced they’re considering keeping Trump and Stephen Miller’s historically low refugee admission caps. This is in direct contradiction to his earlier promise to raise the refugee admissions cap to 60,000.

We don’t get to pick and choose when we recognize the humanity of those who are fleeing violence, period. Not only does it break an earlier promise by the Biden administration, it also flies in the face of our efforts to fight for our values: Treating children and families with compassion, dignity, and humanity.

Let me be clear: We as a nation are perfectly capable of welcoming families in a fair and compassionate way. We can strive for better, and we cannot take our cues from Stephen Miller — a known white supremacist — who sadistically attacked children.

Please add your name to the petition to demand the administration revisit this announcement immediately.

Want to stay on top of the latest ACTIONS you can take to help others, plus STORIES to inspire you with positive news? Get on the #superheroalerts list here.

Child’s Play Donates Toys To Kids In Hospitals and Abuse Shelters #superheroalert Check them out @CPCharity

For your superheroalert today, I’d like to mention Penny Arcade’s Child Play charity. They donate toys and video games to suffering children in abuse shelters and hospitals–just to bring a little bit of light to dark young lives.

It’s hard to imagine anything more innocuous and sweet.

Best of all, their yearly auction dinner is going virtual this year (2020), which means YOU can attend, bid on some crazy awesome prizes and gifts for yourself and your family, and give those proceeds to help kids! Rad, right? Check out the auction here. Or, watch the video below!

And of course, if you’d like to get started on your own hero journey–you know, go beyond reading about superheroes, fictional or otherwise, and break into your own story–then get in with me here.

Thinking Housing? Pheonix Commotion teaches unskilled laborers to build low-cost homes out of recycled goods! Learn how you can get involved @phxcom #superheroalert #dogood

My favorite Phoenix Commotion Home

This is such a cool initiative. These guys turn trash into healthy, affordable homes–while using the housing projects themselves to create jobs. And they have teaching materials in place to help you get involved yourself.

I know. You’re sure there’s a catch. We’ve all grown up believing environmentally friendly living has to be expensive. But…

Police violence: You know there’s a problem. Here are scientific solutions. Act, dear one! #blacklivesmatter #superheroalert

You know what’s happening. Do something useful about it. There’s a sample letter for your representatives on police violence below. It links to data-driven solutions based on validated research, and written to appeal to whatever side your rep might be on. DO include the first sentence–I have a representative I DO NOT LIKE and still found something he did that I could compliment. Convince these people. Protecting Black lives protects everyone.

Your representative

Your Senator

Your governor

Subject: Please implement data-driven solutions to the violence in my area

Dear REPRESENTATIVE NAME,

Thank-you for your work on THING I APPRECIATED. I won’t take up much of your time, because as a physician I understand a busy schedule, but as a scientist I know data matters. I wanted to ask that you apply evidence-based solutions, instead of emotional reactions, to violence in our area–especially in light of the recent uptick in violence, unconstitutional curfews, and the President’s overreach against freedom of speech and assembly. Specifically, please aggressively implement the policy packet available for you at https://www.joincampaignzero.org

There, you will find data-driven research that will decrease the deficit, decrease the unjust prison population, and most importantly, decrease violence and keep our citizens safe. Specifically, please consider the solutions that end broken windows policing, implement independent investigation into police misconduct, end for-profit policing, and improve the mandatory use of body cameras to protect both police and our citizens.

Thank-you for taking the time to consider data over rhetoric, and thank-you for the work you do for our community.

Best wishes,

Jen Finelli, MD

byjenfinelli.com

Boycott GoFundMe For Discriminating Against Low-Income Nation Pregnant Woman #superheroalert #womenshealth #cancel

As a physician and women’s health equality advocate, I am deeply disturbed that GoFundMe withheld $2,700 in support from a mother in Zimbabwe during Choice42’s fundraising campaign.

Here are the facts. In the past, GoFundMe corporate leadership publicly organized support for Planned Parenthood. Meanwhile, recent reports state GoFundMe denied support for a pregnant woman in Zimbabwe while allowing the same support, through the same fundraising charity (Choice42), for pregnant women in the United States and Canada. Choice42 followed all GoFundMe protocol exactly the same way for all three mothers.

Put together, these events demonstrate a deep anti-woman hypocrisy that, on the surface, also appears motivated by regionalist and racist tendencies. These discriminatory attitudes are, unfortunately, quite common in modern women’s health activism: I have literally read public health books by pro-euthanasia organizations pushing impoverished, “undesirable” women to have less children in favor of the outdated “rich white babies only” Malthusian population model. In fact, in the US, clinical abortion surveys demonstrate that 30 percent of Black people in my generation have been systematically eliminated by the subtle public health measures that target minority areas over wealthy white suburbia. It appears that, like other health discrimination “charities,” GoFundMe does not believe everyone is welcome on this planet–just members of wealthy nations and privileged social groups.

I have previously raised support on GoFundMe for a friend in need in Uganda, and supported various other medical needs campaigns there–I will be doing so no more. Unless GoFundMe provides an adequate answer quickly, and releases funds to support this woman in need, I will be initiating a boycott of GoFundMe for all my future fundraising needs. I will also begin posting weekly about GoFundMe’s discriminatory behavior until the issue is resolved. The world doesn’t need GoFundMe: Paypal and Change.org both offer fundraising options. I invite you to please contact GoFundMe for further information about Choice42’s campaign.

Choice42’s support for women suffering health disparities can be found here: https://www.choice42.com/resources

You will need the GoFundMe campaign URL for the Zimbabwean woman to contact GoFundMe: https://www.gofundme.com/f/help-cover-birth-expenses-for-young-mom

The contact form lives here: https://www.gofundme.com/contact/suggest

Thank you for caring about women in need.

Jen Finelli, MD
byjenfinelli.com

Saving Lives From Malaria – With Paper and Rubber Bands #superheroalert

For some good news, have you heard of this crazy ingenious malaria testing solution? As many of you know, the US eliminated malaria using DDT–but then internationally, with European assistance, banned the use of it in other nations due to environmental concerns. As a result, none of the lower income nations on the African continent had a chance to eliminate malaria cheaply before DDT disappeared. Kind of unfair, huh? Today scientists continue to struggle with cheap ways to diagnose and treat malaria in low-income areas, and new solutions for mosquito eradication range from the simple net to the unusual release of sterile males into the mosquito population. I was really excited to see the following video–check it out!

The Day You Became a Tyrant – The True Hidden Tragedy of COVID19

Feedthehungry.org/ – Give to them, please, people are starving because of COVID19 lock-downs and power abuses. Ongoing hidden tragedies chronicled in this growing article,
each marked by date, with ways you can help speak out.

April 26th, Starving the Poor:

“The children have malaria and we are locked in–it is difficult to get medications.” At this point, the level of government control due to COVI19 in many countries is becoming tyrannical. This is a message I received from a close friend who runs an orphanage in Liberia, where they are only allowed to leave the house two hours a day. This makes it impossible for her to work, difficult for her to obtain medications for the children, and, ultimately threatens the existence of the orphanage as they struggle to obtain medications, food, and water. Because the panic over COVID19 has sparked blanket regulations instead of targeted solutions, people are suffering. People are dying.

How to be a hero during COVID19 – FOCUSED solutions instead of mass blanket rules (Ft. Coronavirus Care Fund For Domestic Workers) #dogood #socent #superheroalert

I recently got an e-mail about emergency funds for writers.

I’m not going to lie, this irked me.

It irked me because as a writer, I know writers can work from home. In fact, with so many people quarantined to read books and watch television, things couldn’t be better for writers.

Meanwhile, the people truly affected by this insane over-the-top panic are the people who perform manual labor: the domestic workers, field laborers, mechanics, other personnel who cannot telework. Who don’t have the privilege to practice “social distancing.” I’m not saying manual-laborer-writers don’t exist, and I’m not saying that money-worthy emergencies never happen to writers like myself.

But I am saying as government-sanctioned panic destroys the world economy, pick carefully who you give your limited funds, and first support the people who need help the most. Be careful about “woe is me” attitudes from the rich (and in some ways we are all richer than we think). “Consider others’ needs above your own.”

So for today’s #superheroalert, I found a coronavirus care fund for domestic workers. I wanted to find a care fund for other manual laborers, like factory workers or field hands, so let me know, please, if you find such a thing and I will share it. We need targeted, realistic aid, like a sniper rifle, not spray and pray shotgun charity. In medicine, we learn to give specific treatments to people–a medication that works for one person might cause a side effect in another. That’s the principle that works in life, too: individualized solutions, not mass action. Not mass, everybody gets money, but instead focused money to the guys who can’t do without. Not mass quarantine, but focused care for the most vulnerable (the old). Don’t believe me? Look at Japan, where everyone is still working. Wonder why?

Focused solutions, not blanket rules.

So let me know if you find other focused ideas we can all help with.

MONEYWISE, you can take advantage of the quarantines by making money selling books on social media! Anyone can sign up for my affiliate program through Gumroad, and I’ll give you a special link that tracks your sales. You sell my books, you can get 50 percent profit on each sale. Let me know if that’s something you want–just get on my e-mail list to the right here and reply to the first e-mail you get.

Women’s Rights Without Frontiers: Saving Chinese Women From Forced Abortion and Slavery #superheroalert #fem2

SUPERHEROALERT: Women’s Rights without Frontiers saves women and children from forced abortion in China caused by the policy that limits the number of babies women are allowed to have. As you know, girls are disproportionately abandoned or aborted because of this policy–but you may not know that some women are forcibly held down and tied to a medical table as physicians rip their fetuses out of them against their will. The policy targets poor women, who cannot afford the government fees to buy the right to have a child; it also targets women in “undesirable” minority populations like Tibetan and Uyghur people groups. WRWF fights this by helping the impoverished pay the fees, or finding legal support and advocacy for threatened women. You can help them by funding them, spreading the word, signing their petition, writing to ambassadors to free Chen Guangcheng, or going to China yourself. They live at https://www.womensrightswithoutfrontiers.org/

Superheroes assemble!

Human trafficking horror: baby slave factory #superheroalert How do you respond?

Last year, Nigerian police rescued 19 women who were kidnapped for the sake of becoming “baby factories.” I wanted to bring it up now as a reminder to educate yourself on human trafficking, and to brainstorm ways you can support and protect the vulnerable. Live Action News covers a lot of crimes against pregnant women and babies, internationally and through the US, so I encourage you to subscribe to them if you get the chance. They’re linked below:

RESCUED: Trafficked pregnant women freed from ‘baby factory’ in Nigeria

And, of course, you can educate yourself to become a hero, too, even if you’re not a police officer in Nigeria or some other fancy job. I really need you to do this. Why?

Catching sexual predators – #superheroalert – Can you become a digital vigilante?

Several squads of brave men and women put themselves in harm’s way by pretending to be underage children online–and then catching the sexual predators who respond to the bait. And you can join them.

Protected: Nathan Ssagala – Webcomic Artist and Designer

Mythical Entertainment Accepts “Big Agra” Pork Board Sponsorship – And It’s Weird for Free Speech (#GMM #agra superheroalert)

Good Mythical Morning, the popular YouTube channel hosted by “internetainers” Rhett McLaughlin and Link Neal, released a video this month sponsored by the National Pork Board.

“Incorporate pork into your healthy diet,” states the video description.

This is problematic on a health, and an ethical level.

I’m not here to start fights or steal your bacon, but most of the medical community considers pork just about the most unhealthy meat you can consume. With nearly 20 grams per 300 calories, pork rings in at a whopping 10 to 20 percent fat average. It contains little to no vitamin content, and the B vitamins, Zinc, and Selenium it does contain exist plentifully in other protein sources with less stress on your digestive system. You can incorporate pork into a balanced keto diet, but that diet can kill you and should be used under careful supervision for particular health and performance needs.

In fact, as physicians in medical school we learn that only two or three diets have large scale medical evidence behind them, to include the Mediterranean and DASH diets; none of those diets routinely feature pork. Instead, I usually recommend that my patients increase Omega 3s and 6s found in plant-based and fish-based protein.

Regardless of what you consider healthy, this National Pork Board alliance also suffers from the ethical challenge of its factory farm roots. Just last year Mercy for Animals released hidden camera footage demonstrating piglets tortured by America’s large pork suppliers, and despite multiple attempts by Big Farming to make investigative reporting illegal, it doesn’t take more than a quick YouTube search to find undercover footage.

What a child with special needs understands (that you don’t) – #superheroalert

The following true story is used with permission, by an old friend, who runs a business helping the elderly while she mothers her 32-year-old daughter. Her daughter, who we will call Lucy for protection, is generally nonverbal, and walks with some difficulty. She needs help eating and wiping her face, and requires much of the other care that a toddler does. I remember thinking, when I was little, that Lucy’s parents had sad, patient eyes, full of a love that knows suffering.

Let Lucy’s heart strengthen your hero journey.

Frequently I am asked, “How much does Lucy understand?” My standard reply has always been, “She understands what is in ‘her’ world.”

Certainly she understands her morning routine includes a caregiver getting her up and then feeding, bathing, and dressing her. She knows it is then time to leave the house for something fun: music therapy in Upperville, goat petting in Lowerville, people-watching in the park, or just local errand running. She has an infallible internal clock that tells her when it is time for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and she has her bedtime routine down cold.

Lucy routinely has three responses, each used at the appropriate time: “hello,” “all done,” and “no.” Her receptive language is more extensive, as long as instructions are in the context of “her world.”

Or so I thought. Until tonight.

Superheroalert: How to be evil and still save the world (a #becominghero superhero tip)

Not one of our barrel-riding nuns, but still pretty damn brave; this dear old lady helped Jews escape Hitler.

“Sister, this way!”

Over a dozen nuns dash from shadow to shadow under the stone arches of the cloister.

There, in the moist, cool German night, they crawl into huge wooden barrels, Bilbo Baggins style, to escape the forced nunnery they don’t believe in.

Can you imagine the heart-pounding fear and excitement–in a day when men would punish nuns who ran away–and the stifling smell of whatever food inhabited that barrel before you? The bone-aching bumping on the cobblestone roads; the voices outside the barrel; the hope that when it’s opened, it will be opened by someone you trust?

Superheroalert: Save the Storks in New York

Hi there, it’s Jen again.

It‘s incredibly important to me, as a physician, that amidst all the misinformation and politics of the “pro-life”/”pro-choice” debate every woman has a chance to receive full scientific information about her body. I love performing ultrasounds because it’s the only time my pregnant women can SEE without relying on something I’m telling them. I don’t care very much about the political agendas various organizations have, because the labels pro-life and pro-choice don’t address the very complicated real scientific quandaries associated with childbearing; people who are “pro-life” are usually “pro” the “choice” of the baby, and people who are “pro-choice” usually don’t believe in destroying “life.” Beyond those philosophical generalities about rights–when do we address the reality of my actual patient hemorrhaging from misopristol while she digs frantically through the products of her abortion searching for a baby she suddenly realizes she wanted?

She will remember that for the rest of her life.

Most people simply don’t have all the scientific information they need to understand reproductive health consequences, and greedy physicians benefit from that monopoly of information. Doctor tells you a procedure’s no worse than a period, doctor doesn’t make sure you understand the cons, then you get procedure and doctor gets money. The more people doctor pushes through, the more money doctor gets. It’s basic economics.

That’s why I want to make sure women get free health information if at all possible. That’s why I like this organization, where ultrasound technicians are required to be informative and nonjudgmental, and women can get free, safe ultrasounds anywhere they are. They need support funding an ultrasound bus in New York. Will you help?

How can YOU reduce prison injustice and prevent violent crime? #superheroalert

Today’s #Superheroalert features LIFE AFTER LIFE documentary producer Tamara Perkins. LIFE AFTER LIFE follows three men who spend their entire lives in prison after committing crimes as teenagers. Today we question the problems with our incarceration system. Why does America incarcerate so many Black people? How come we had just over a couple hundreds thousand people in prison in the 1980s, and now have over 7.1 million? Are we really healing victims and making streets safer? Why is the overall “repeat offender” rate so high?

And most importantly, how can YOU protect a teenager from losing his or her entire life to the prison system?

Watch the Life After Life trailer at www.lifeafterlifemovie.com

***

HOW YOU CAN HELP:

Make tax-deductible donations to support Life After Life engagement via Bay Area Video Coalition HERE

Work directly with incarcerated people via PrisonFellowship and Kairos Prison Fellowship.

Prevent incarceration with Big Brother Big Sister

Learn how to support those coping with an incarcerated loved one (coping article inspired after the writer watched LIFE AFTER LIFE)

And remember to try your local church or look for groups run by formerly incarcerated citizens! Additionally, vote for cameras on police officers and rape kit testing to ensure that justice, not discrimination, is served. (Did you know some states don’t even hire people to test rape kits, so they get thrown away instead?)

***

HOW YOU CAN LEARN MORE:

Watch the Life After Life trailer at www.lifeafterlifemovie.com

Commune with Life After Life at:

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/lifeafter.docfilm/

Film Twitter https://twitter.com/lifeafter_movie

Personal Twitter https://twitter.com/tperkinsfilm

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/lifeafter_movie/

YouTube https://youtu.be/Il1qM71qjOc

Life After Life Viewing Guide and Educational Curriculum HERE

A Holistic Approach to Storytelling: From a yoga class in San Quentin to a comprehensive impact campaign supporting justice impacted families and individuals.

Watch videos and Tamara’s TED Talk to learn even more at: Life After: Embracing our Common Hum anity and Live Free Together Campaign: Healing justice impacted communities

Tamara mentioned THE SENTENCING PROJECT and THE NEW JIM CROW, both resources where you can start digging deeper into the issues surrounding mass incarceration.

Jen mentioned this group: ThriveMovement.com

***

BUT WHAT IF I DON’T AGREE? WHAT IS A SUPERHERO ALERT, ANYWAY?

Jen Finelli is a physician, science fiction author, former reporter, therapist, and activist who wants to become a superhero one day. Because of her adventures Jen believes anyone can have a good idea: from prostitutes to Senators, from children to the aged, from the able to the unstable, liberal, conservative, libertarian or communist or alien conspiracy theorist. As a consequence, views expressed in these interviews may not necessarily be her own; Jen is not here to promote any organization, government, or political party (although she reserves the right to do so), but to find PRACTICAL ways YOU can make a difference.

So if you find yourself hearing ideas you hate, that’s expected–stick around to extract the PRACTICAL, #dogood “baby” from the “bathwater” of ideology and politics. To find more #superheroalerts, go to http://becominghero.ninja/category/superhero-alerts-become-a-hero/

How will you show EXTREME kindness today?

***
Read BECOMING HERO, about the comic book reader who becomes a hero to the superheroes, on Amazon, Barnes and Noble, and wherever books are sold: http://becominghero.ninja/

Be a superhero and CLEAN YOUR PLATE OR GIVE IT AWAY! #foodwaste #superheroalert

Alternative Titles: You’re A Murderous, Lying Hypocrite If You Waste Food or Finish your food, jerk. Written when I was mad–can’t you tell? = P Love you. <3

Did you know if food waste were a country, it would be the THIRD LARGEST CARBON POLLUTER ON THE PLANET?

#Superheroalert: How the American Board of ObGyn limited WOMEN’S #ACCESSTOCARE

UPDATE, 2023: This battle was lost. Thank you to those who tried.

***

UPDATE: HERE IS THE PORTAL TO SEND YOUR COMMENTS TO SAVE OBGYN HEALTHCARE: https://www.acgme.org/What-We-Do/Accreditation/New-Specialty-or-Subspecialty-Proposals Please e-mail the template at the bottom of this post to cfpcomments@acgme.org! DEADLINE IS JANUARY 23!!!

My dear superheroes, certain members of the American Board of ObGyn ARE LIMITING WOMEN’S ACCESS TO GYN CARE by decreasing the number of ObGyn residencies in the country.

If you decrease the number of ObGyn residencies, you make less ObGyns. That means less doctors to help women through cancers, childbirth, and trauma.

How are some ABOG members hurting women? By adding a new board certification called “Complex Family Planning”. This happened at the Sept 11 ABMS meeting. If this goes national, every ObGyn residency would have to have an expert who performs Complex Family Planning (and every resident may be required to get certified). This will require many residencies to close.

Why?

#Superheroalert: Does your state bother to examine evidence for rape?

“Women shouldn’t have to hold a bake sale to get justice.”

Does your state actually test evidence after rape?

Did you know many states don’t fund rape kit testing? To translate that, some states don’t pay anyone to examine the evidence collected from rape victims’ bodies for years at a time. Missouri has a backlog of 5000 kits that haven’t been examined; in Texas, women are now crowdfunding rape kit testing. I’m all for crowdfunding, but this isn’t a park or an art fair we are talking about, this is CRIMINAL JUSTICE. This is the entire point of the government; this is what the government exists to pay for, even under the strictest libertarian definition of government.

Are we seriously paying for libraries and public schools and art fairs and monuments while we ignore actual crimes against women because we can’t bother to pay to test the evidence?

Do something about it.

Find out how your state does below, and then submit a letter to your representatives. Feel free to rip off mine.

http://www.endthebacklog.org/backlog/where-backlog-exists-and-whats-happening-end-it

Dear Tallahassee representatives,

Our state has 14,435 untested rape kits, and has enacted only modest reform to change this.

This means we have 14,435 women and men, mostly from low-income settings, still waiting for justice.

It is appalling that funding rape investigation is not our main priority. Even under the strictest libertarian definition of government, government exists to protect people from each other. When we have rapists going free because we can’t be bothered to make rape kit testing our priority, we as a state make the clear statement that we don’t give a damn about Florida women, who suffer the brunt of these gendered crimes. As a healthcare provider and a woman in the military, I am horrified to find that we are behind Missouri and even Texas.

Are we seriously paying for libraries and public schools and art fairs and monuments while we ignore horrific violence because we can’t bother to pay to test the evidence?

Do something about it.

Very respectfully,

Jen Finelli Veldhuyzen, MD

byjenfinelli.com

To read more about the issue, follow @FeministsforLife on Twitter, and read their update about it here:

Dear Friend,

Rape kits are an essential tool to ensure justice for survivors of sexual assault. Years ago, it became a hot topic during a presidential election, only to find out that this was a widespread problem. When FFL President Serrin Foster looked into it, insurance brokers told her it was the norm. But there appeared to be a push for change.

So you can imagine our shock and disgust that some states STILL appear to treat rape kits as a second-tier priority.

In Texas, rape kits are actually being crowdfunded by allowing Texans to donate to a state account when they renew their driver’s licenses. Texas has a backlog of more than 3,500 untested rape kits, and each kit costs between $500 and $2,000 to test.

“It’s great that people are donating in Texas to get rape kits tested, but it shouldn’t be up to crowdfunding or donations during driver’s license renewals. This isn’t about funding a community park. This is rape,” Foster said. “And victims of serious crimes deserve to have the evidence tested and kept until the perpetrator is arrested.”

Meanwhile, in Missouri, a backlog over nearly 5,000 rape kits finally promptedpassage of a law creating guidelines for testing, processing, and storing rape kits.

The state attorney general found that approximately one-third of law-enforcement agencies destroyed evidence before the Department of Justice-recommended period of 20 years.

“If they aren’t going to do anything with the evidence, what is the point of having a rape victim suffer through a humiliating, invasive procedure, including photographic evidence in front of a police officer as well as medical staff?” Foster asked. “And can you imagine the frustration of the police officer who does everything possible to help ID the perpetrator, only to let the evidence go unexamined or destroyed, knowing the rapist could go on to assault others?”

FFL Speaker and rape survivor Joyce McCauley-Benner also shares Foster’s outrage:

“Words fail me,” McCauley-Benner said upon learning that some hospitals don’t know how long to retain a rape kit after testing or even where to send it.

“This sends a message that victims are meaningless and not a priority. And we wonder why many victims see no point in coming forward. It’s not taken seriously, and I think it’s even more cruel to do the rape kit itself and then just let it sit or destroy it. You make her relive the horror then, in effect, say, ‘Sorry, never mind. We won’t get to that anyway.'”

McCauley-Benner finds crowdsourcing equally appalling: “Asking for donations is used for unique situations beyond one’s control, NOT for evidence in criminal justice cases. Women shouldn’t have to hold a bake sale to get justice,” McCauley-Benner concluded. “We really deserve better than that!”

According to End the Backlog, there are likely hundreds of thousands of rape kits nationwide that have yet to be tested, and over 225,000 untested rape kits have been uncovered thus far.

“THIS is criminal,” Foster said.

End the Backlog is a program of the Joyful Heart Foundation, the national nonprofit organization founded by actor and activist Mariska Hargitay.

Contact your state legislator today and urge her or him to support FULL funding and testing of ALL rape kits. Check out this map to see if your state measures up. Women — and men — who have been sexually assaulted deserve better.

Because women deserve better,

Damian J. Geminder

Media Coordinator and Editor

P.S. “reCLAIM YOUR VOICE,” FFL’s timely issue exploring the #MeToo movement using our unique pro-woman, pro-life voice, comes with membership. Join or rejoin us now if your support has lapsed ($35 minimum/$25 for student).

Other evergreen theme-based back issues of The American Feminist® are also available atwww.feministsforlife.org/covetable-stuff, including “Forward Into Light,” “A Crying Shame,” “Voices of Women — and Men — Who Mourn,” and “MANIPULATION.” Feminists for Life was the only pro-life group in the National Task Force on Sexual Assault and Domestic Violence to work successfully for the Violence Against Women Act (as well as the only feminist group to support the Unborn Victims of Violence Act, aka Laci and Conner’s Law). Among other essential measures, VAWA introduced the federal rape shield law and also funded victim assistance services, including rape crisis centers and hotlines.

Superheroalert: 5 Ways YOU can help #PuertoRico TODAY! #dogood via @VargasVidot @BillyTaub & @PonceHealthSU

Aight, Superpeeps, another superheroalert. Bottom line up front: Join me in helping Puerto Rico recover by heading to the PMSFRELIEFFUND.org and iniciativacomunitaria.org.

Iniciativa Comunitaria normally works with clinics in the north of the island to help the homeless and reach out to Guatemala and Haiti, but now, with the disaster around them, they’re turning to local aid relief. They work with Puerto Rican Senator Vargas Vidot. I don’t know much about his politics, but I can tell you, having met him in person, his heart’s huge. Please read to the end of this article to read his truly inspirational speech about saving the soul of medicine!

My heart’s got a special place for the PHSU foundation, too. Since the crisis began, the students/faculty have provided medical and psychological support services and have been delivering over 100,000 lbs of privately donated goods and supplies to the residents, most of whom lost their homes and all of their possessions in the hurricane. That’s my alma mater, people!

I know a hero when I see one. #superheroalert #dogood

pic.twitter.com/jzsLPzODph

— Mom, I’m Sorry (@Mom_Im_Sorry) August 9, 2017

This guy knows a hero when he sees one!

It’s another superhero alert–this one jokingly, to talk about how to warn people of danger. Don’t be a pretentious douchebag: if you believe in hell as an actual reality, for example, you should totally warn people about it, but there’s more than one way to have that conversation. If I don’t believe in it, you screaming at me probably won’t back my spirit away from the cliff I can’t see. It’s the same with suicide, alcohol abuse, or a brick on the street that might make a guy stumble. You come off as a jackass when you think you’re somehow special, somehow better than someone else.

11 Practical Ways You Can Be a Hero For An Elder or #Caregiver (via @joanyedwards #superheroalert)

Guest post by Joan Y Edwards

1. Pray for them. Call caregiver on the phone and ask how you can help. Choose one of these needs that you feel comfortable discussing with her: Emotional, Physical, Mental, Spiritual, Financial, Social. Give them the phone number of your local Social Services and also the contact information for the Area Agency on Aging (AAA) in your county to ask about available respite (rest from caring duties), support groups, and other services that might help her and her elder.
Make sure caregivers take 4 hours or more away from caregiving every week. Offer to take care of elder for 4 hours or to pay for a qualified CNA to stay with elder so that the caregiver gets needed rest from caregiving duties and responsibilities.
Fix or pick up lunch or dessert from caregiver’s favorite restaurant for caregiver and elder and take it there and eat with her. Give attention to both caregiver and elder.
Send cards to both the caregiver and the elder to their snail mail address.
Visit. Sit for an hour and listen. Just being there and listening to the caregiver and the elder is a much-needed gift.
Encourage caregiver to have regular doctor, dental visits. Sometimes, in caring for another person, caregivers forget about themselves. They might say, “Next month, I’ll call and make an appointment.” However, next month comes and they don’t make an appointment.
Purchase a DVD of a movie you know the caregiver will enjoy and give it to her and watch it with her or offer to sit with elder while she watches it.
Give the caregiver and elder, a copy of a CD with their favorite music.
Many times, elders and caregivers might get chilly. So give them a gift of an afghan or colorful blanket to keep them warm.
Take children to visit. Have them make a card, plan to sing a song, play an instrument, play a game, or do a skit for the elder and caregiver.
Buy the caregiver a copy of Joan’s Elder Care Guide. It is jam-packed full of resources and ideas to meet your caregivers needs and those of her elder, too.

Never Give Up

Joan Y. Edwards

http://www.joanyedwards.com

https://joanyedwards.wordpress.com/

Books

Flip Flap Floodle, the little duck who never gives up on his song

Joan’s Elder Care Guide: Empowering You and Your Elder to Survive

Click around the website here for more #superheroalerts–ways you can become a hero!

You Boycott Halloween to Save Black Cats (#superheroalert for @blackcatrescue #adopt)

Thought that was pretty cute, huh? Buttersafe’s cool, you should check them out.

I wanted to bring up black cats for this #superheroalert because we’ve got Halloween coming up. More black cats are tortured and killed around this time of year than any other month, and that’s pretty messed up. The stereotypical activity of a superhero—rescuing a cat out of a tree for some little old lady, right? We should do that.

This year, I’m “rescuing” by boycotting Halloween.

“Wait, what? Why you gotta hate on Halloween? Why can’t you just NOT torture cats?”

Great point, imaginary person I invented for the sake of argument. Here’s the deal. If you look into the history of Halloween across multiple Western (usually Catholic) cultures, you’ll find it almost always revolves around people placating some dead spirit (benevolent or otherwise) or demon, which is actually kind of anti-humanist. You know, like we have to bow to cruel forces, rather than rebelling, because of fear. Fear’s a great thing to talk about, as hero-wanna-bes, because it’s a healthy way for us to remember our place in the Universe. We’re not the biggest thing. We’re not even the best thing. Fear is healthy sometimes. But when our fear becomes a celebration of, and a submission to, the tyranny of evil, we have a problem.

“Oh, silly Jen, you’re over-exaggerating. Dressing up as ghosts isn’t a ‘submission to the tyranny of evil.’”

Michael Timm programs “#PokemonGo for water” to save his city! #superheroalert

Michael programmed a “Pokemon Go for water” to teach local Milwaukee natives how to protect their water—and to connect them with the history of the Great Lakes around them. He also made a board game for kids to learn about invasive quagga mussels–it helps them think practically about how to protect their environment from invasive species. Here, he gives tips on grant-writing, water conservation, and using your creative capacities for community good. All this and more in the above water stories with Michael Timm: using apps and games to improve environmental sustainability!

What will you do for your #superheroalert?

Check out other #superheroalerts at http://becominghero.ninja (search for superheroalert), where I talk about how to become a superhero!

Download Water Story Here: http://refloh2o.com/water-story/

Check out Michael’s other stuff at matimm.com

What I’ve learned about heroes by playing one (#actor @Ricky_Vision) #superheroalert

I have a lovely treat for you Superpeeps today! Wanna become a superhero? This is kind of an interview/guest post by superhero film actor @RickyDaVision: what can we learn about heroes by pretending to be them?

There are a lot of words that people often use to describe a superhero. Courageous, brave, sincere, compassionate, determined just to name a few. To be all of those things ultimately doesn’t require having the strength to move mountains or ability to read people’s minds.

(Although that definitely helps.)

@petr3pan In this scene I’m portraying a bulletproof young man named Joseph Henry who’s explaining to his cop dad why he uses his gifts pic.twitter.com/ZMhXLIo1bz

— Ricky Bell Jr. (@RickyDaVision) September 17, 2017

You live in a #scifi! How will you save the world? #superheroalert

I’m writing from the past to tell you that YOU live in the future.

I don’t mean that metaphorically. You live in a wild science fiction world that many people can’t even imagine, and you can impact and change that scifi tale if you want. Let me show you. Or, as a freaky man once put it, “I’d like to play a game.” Tell me which of these three technology scenarios is in development–or already working!–right now.

Home-grown Pancreas

Help kids who can’t afford #pediatriccancer treatment by scaring yourself! #horror (#superheroalert)

Do you have a family member with cancer? Do you know a child with cancer?

We talk a bit about responsible shopping and consuming here on the #superheroalert blog, and I love this anthology because all the writers involved, all the editors, just came together to give money to families who can’t afford cancer treatment, through the National Children’s Cancer Society. If you like horror, it got nothing but good reviews. So yeah.

Click the picture to read my story “I Am Disease,” a zombie fairytale about addiction and cancer, in the acclaimed Bleed anthology. Let’s scare cancer silly.

You and @jamesdrakes_ct3music can clean up the ocean while getting sweet #folkmusic in your earholes! #dogood

Check it out: at the $75 level these guys give 25% to cleaning up the ocean!

https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/james-drakes-the-chris-taylor-trio-debut-album-music/x/5502804#/

I believe you have a superpower. What is it? #superheroalert #inspiration

What’s your superpower?

I truly believe everyone has a weird little superpower that other people can’t understand and that we don’t usually document. I believe this because after studying neurobiology I’m awed by the power of our chemical minds.

Artful Spoons: Connecting chronically ill artists through #art #superheroalert

Hey SuperPeeps! Today we need to talk about art, and about how sometimes becoming a hero means celebrating someone else’s dreams. NGOs are discovering this, too–rather than handing out charity, or a one-time save, how can you help someone save themselves? Artful Spoons

#ArtfulSpoons is a hashtag and account on Twitter that celebrates the art of #spoonies, or people who are suffering chronic illnesses. We had a chat with Alex, who runs the account.

The value of silence for superheroes. #superheroalert #inspiration

Silence between notes produces #MUSIC.
Silence between thoughts produces #WISDOM. pic.twitter.com/E3EPhIBrPL

— Dr. Asoka Jinadasa (@drasokajin) November 29, 2016

Ever noticed that Batman always makes his decisions of discovery alone?

I’m sure you’ve seen the brooding pictures of any number of superheroes, slumped over with their heads in their hands like the Thinker.

How much time do you give yourself, in silence, alone? Away from social media. Away from DOING THINGS. Away from the party and the work. How often do you check your life’s direction, and re-set your goals, and center yourself on what really matters to you as you take the next step? How often do you allow yourself to experience your grief, your doubts, and your questions about how the world works, and just work through the deep stuff? And then, how often do you let your mind grow blank, and just wait for inspiration?

How can you become a superhero if you can’t even save your own thoughts?

“We live, in fact, in a world starved for solitude, silence, and private: and therefore starved for meditation and true friendship.” ~ C.S. Lewis, ‘Weight of Glory’

If you want to become a superhero, you must get used to spending time alone.

Plastic Bottle Houses in Nigeria Help the Poor #superheroalert #sustainability

Hey Peeps! Just a short little post today–sharing a link to this Inhabitat piece about the plastic bottle house in Nigeria. The architects noticed that they had waaay too many plastic bottles, and way too few houses, so they thought that problem should solve itself.

What if we did something like this in the more temperate areas where you live to help homelessness? And more generally, how can you use the things you don’t like in your life to solve the problems for the things you need?

True superheroes know how to use the things no one wants to make a difference.

http://inhabitat.com/africas-first-plastic-bottle-house-rises-in-nigeria/

Author who survived child abuse teaches her experience to help others. #superheroalert #metoo @Listen2MyHeart7

Lukysha Sims-Neal, a child abuse survivor who writes a blog about living beyond childhood trauma, comes to us today to talk about how we can all, survivors or not, help the healing. Some of her answers are really challenging and even surprising, so I hope you’ll read all the way to the end. This is important stuff, SuperPeeps. Read More…

A singer uses his patreon to grow a forest! #superheroalert #music

UPDATE 2023: It seems like Nate is no longer using his Patreon to grow a forest. Still, it was cool while it lasted!

Hey Superpeeps! Today’s #superheroalert celebrates the little steps we can take, one by one, that eventually lead up to true heroism…like the seeds that grow into a tree. Read More…

It’s hard to beat a person who never gives up. #superheroalert #inspiration

images You remember those moments? The ones where a superhero makes you hold your breath. When Barry Allen, in Flashpoint, gets up and starts running even though there’s a huge spike jammed through his quads. When Peter Parker, at the end of the Ultimate Spiderman comic series, bows down before the spectres of all the enemies he’s ever faced, and gets up to keep fighting. Those moments when everything is broken, but the hero doesn’t give up.

Those moments…that make us want to become superheroes. Read More…

This huge firm designed a village where peeps with dementia can roam free. #superheroalert #alz

Real quick #superheroalert for you peeps. This village lets you wander without getting lost, because it’s actually a locked center with only one exit. As creepy and scifi as that sounds, it seems like a pretty good idea!

Critics are concerned about… Read More…

Give Everyone a Popsicle #superheroalert #inspiration

Great Buttersafe.com comic, go there now

Awesome comic by the good folks over at Buttersafe–you should click to see their site!

For this meditation on how to become a superhero, I wanted to share this little Buttersafe comic. (Go ahead, check them out!)

Why did is this appropriate for a superhero alert? Because maybe popsicles can stop global warming.

Online Shopping like a Superhero: 5 Ways to Save The World While You Buy Stuff! #superheroalert #dogood

Heyoo Superpeeps! Another quick SuperGear post for you, this one to offer some conscientious choices for your holiday shopping! ‘Cuz that’s how superhero DO, you know?

(Yeah, I’m still hitting my stride with this whole gear-blogging thing, give me a break. Here we go.) Read More…

Category Archives: Superhero Alerts (Become a hero!)

NOTE: THIS PAGE IS NOW VERY OUT OF DATE! FOR UPDATED BECOMING HERO “REAL LIFE SUPERHERO INITIATIVE” INFORMATION, VISIT BECOMING HERO CHARITIES AT BECOMINGHERO.BYJENFINELLI.COM!

THE COST BREAKDOWN: The official bill that’s keeping Debora from hearing

POSTER FOR YOU TO PRINT OUT AND SHARE!

Why I want to help Debora

A change in focus…

So I’m calling on all creators to take an AGGRESSIVE stance against one of the major bad boy players in copyright fraud: Ad Rev for Rights.

1. Please don’t use this as an excuse or reason to attack trans people.

2. Transition failure like this would not happen if there were more rigorous medical controls rather than purely psychological controls for transitioning patients.

Signs You Should Look For

Losing a child

What was most helpful to you

What was it like to lose a child

The chasm

Staying away from the chasm

The evidence

Sharing your story

Misinformation

Watching signals

What are cues

People care about their suffering

Feeling guilty

What happened

Bringing him back

Physical reactions

Intellectualizing

How to heal

Other ways to heal

What helps you

What drives you

Medication

Home-grown Pancreas

Why did is this appropriate for a superhero alert? Because maybe popsicles can stop global warming.

FIGHT A MERMAID.

Read Hero Stuff

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